Thursday, April 24, 2014


A friend of mine who shall remain Chanless (d'oh!) took this picture of a TV at the airport in Hong Kong last night:

Sweet! I really like how you see what each batter did in each inning.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Pineda Just Had His Wall Sponge-Painted

After one of the shittiest nights of the season, we had one of the most fun ones. It started when my mom called me from Boston to inform me she left her tickets to the game at home. Thanks to modern technology, and since these tickets were from my 10-game plan, I was able to make the tickets appear in her name at will call without even talking to another human.

Now you gotta realize that when Pineda pitched against us last time, it was my mom who called me to tell me I needed to use my pull(?) to contact Farrell in the dugout and make him call out the pitcher whose name in Russian is "Pine? Yes." So it was cool that she was in the stands for Pine II: Twin Pines Mall.

The super_tar started out poorly, and I joked to Kim that maybe he'd come out for the second inning with pine tar on his person like last time. Only it turned out not to be a joke. There was pine-crapple, with a big brown splotch on his neck! Farrell emerged from the dugout, and it was proverbially on. We at home knew right away, but it was fun to hear the crowd start to come to life as they slowly realized what was going on. The ump headed for the mound.

After checking the ball and making Pine-Saul-on-the-Hudson twirl around, Remy joked "they found it," since it was already so obvious. The umpire took his finger and did a swab Clara Barton would have been proud of, and then methodically tossed the pitcher out of the game, to the shock of nobody and the delight of all. Piney Pineda was grabbing some pine and pining for some class. (That stuff the Yankees always say they have but never seem to actually have.)


So anyway, now the world is in stitches and I'm thinking of that scene in The Bird Cage, which I couldn't help but upload to YouTube during the game. Kim and I just couldn't believe how obvious this guy was being. I mean, who looks at a person's face? And wasn't it funny how after last time, everybody (on both sides) defended him, saying it's for grip, but when they asked the man himself, he said it was "dirt"?

My one regret was that Farrell didn't wait until the guy had given up about five more runs before pulling the trigger.

Lost in all this would be the fact that Jeter continues to be shitty. On a slow grounder up the middle, he moved over, squared it up...and it went off his glove and through his legs. With AJ running (or almost anyone else) it would have been an easy out. But I had no doubt they'd call it a hit. Nobody makes an error in the 2010s, and certainly not Our Father. But then he made one that the scorer had no choice on, throwing across to first and coming up so short that Teixeira couldn't even scoop it. (That led to a two-run inning.) Then he made yet another one-hop throw to first, also not handled, but it was on a DP try and he did have a runner coming at him. Still funny though. Then he took a one-hop throw from the pitcher at second, couldn't handle it, and thought that this ball had gone up and to his left, when it was on the ground and to his right. While he tried to block a ball at his right foot with his left shoulder (below), he almost got taken out by a sliding runner.

So it was a pret-ty good night for us. Our 4-0 lead felt like 10-0, and eventually Koji wrapped up Lackey's gem. 5-1 was your final.

You Make The Call

Forgot how much fun I had with the "you be the producer" game last year.

P.S. The "Sponsor" is a reference to Kim and I seeing that "Anthony!" commercial tonight. She grew up in Boston (meaning New Bedford, MA) and I grew up in New York (meaning Ridgefield, CT) so she had that Anthony pasta ad while I had "New York loves San Georgio." Tried to find a video, could only come up with one, but it's with a bunch of other ads, and a big chunk of the song is cut out.

More on tonight's sweet game later!

Two Cool Magazine Covers

Both of these arrived in the escargot mail today:

Sox/Yanks, 7:10

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

All That Dunbar-ian Stuff Again

Lester gave up some hard hit balls tonight. Still, for every one of those there was a Yankee-ish hit or a ball doinking off somebody's glove. We almost came back from the 4-0 def., with Papi and Nap hitting bombs off the new guy, and then the tying run coming up. But it didn't happen, and then they scored like a million more runs.

I see Jeter did what he always does with a new teammate: teach him how to make regular look like extra-large. Polpotsbury made a "diving" (wink wink) catch early on. And then in similar Jeter-ish fashion, he hit a triple that was more like a double and a double that was more like a single. No broken legs though. We'll have to fix that tomorrow. I hear the anesthesia truck just might have an unfortunate delay on the highway too.

So I'd do yet another post about the disconnect between fans and media and how the media just... can't... seem... to get it through their heads that Red Sox fans don't care for the Yankees. (They happen to be our rival.) And when a player goes from...oh forget it, they're never gonna figure out this simple formula. I've written about it so many times before, I'm done. Good to see so many signs in the stands from people who get it. Which I'm pretty sure is everybody who isn't in the media.

And for the love of Gedman, please don't say "how can you blame...". If that's how your feel, your emotions don't have to end there. I'm not saying people don't have the right to be total dicks who essentially admit that money is more important than winning and loyalty. But for fuck's sake, when they do, we all have the right to be totally pissed about it. I've never heard one person say, "Hey, the twin towers were standing right there out in the open with no forcefield around them," and then end their opinion of the terrorists there.

And then there are the "I was never attached to him anyway" faction. And to them I say, Well you were halfway to hating the guy already, now it's time to let loose! Join us!

Oh, did I say "loyalty"? Surely there's someone out there laughing at my simple little innocent mind, ready to tell me how there's no loyalty, repeat the Seinfeld laundry joke and act like they thought of it, and tell me that every player is in it for the money, and they don't care about me a la Mickey Mantle in A Bronx Tale. And to that I say, every time you say that, you insult all the players who do give a fuck, and actually don't put money above everything else in life. (And also, please don't tell me that "any one of us" would do the same thing. Go ahead, e-mail me your offers of how much money you'd give me to clean John Sterling's toilet, see what happens.)

And then there are the "I never grow attached to players" defense mechanism crowd. Again, you can't have it both-ass ways. You can't tell me it means nothing to you and then have a tear in your eye when Pedro or somebody awesome like that comes out holding the trophy or Yaz raises the flag or whatever. Am I gonna have to nudge you and say, "not so faaast...remember, you have no emotional attachment to athletes"?

Of course you could just be putting on a show to make it appear you're not upset, feeling like the other side "wins" when you do that. If that's how you proverbially roll, fine, just gimme a wink so I know that's what you're up to.

Tomorrow I vote we kick Pineda's ass and stop fucking around.

Monday, April 21, 2014


Wasn't it funny on Sunday night when Kruk thought this guy was a little "too high" to bring his glove, and that he was "under the scoreboard in center"?

The hell was he lookin' at? The guy's about 350 feet from home plate in the front row of the Monster Seats.


We went down 6-0 early. Made our way back into it, but when it got to be 6-4, we gave up a run we shouldn't have. Double play ball, Pedroia gives X a bad feed, but still, he had time to set himself and throw to first, but the throw went wild. Then Jackie Bradley goes back on a ball slowly instead of getting back there fast and getting into position to throw, guy tags and gets to second. Then a single, and Bradley's throw would have beaten the runner, but it's nowhere near home plate, O's get a gift run.

I was pissed. We might need that run. As it turns out, we lose by one, ending the game with runners on second and third.

tl;dr: fuckity goddamn fucking fuck, what another great win that would have and should have been

Side note: There was a fan who missed a really easy bloop foul ball. Got booed, naturally. They kept showing him reacting, head in hands. Finally they go and interview him in the stands, and he's a really good sport about it, jokingly saying how it was a "hard liner" and how the sun was in his eyes even though he was in shade. Terribly, Don and Remy somehow miss the fact that he was joking, mocking him for making excuses. Remy went on to talk about why it's important not to make excuses in post-game interviews. Great job by the fan, bad job by the announcers.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I Love It

Red Sox down 5-0, ESPN announcer J. Kruk says a 5-run comeback is manageable but not much beyond that. Then clarifies: maybe last year the Red Sox could come back from down 5, but they haven't been scoring much this year....

Never before had I visualized so hard an exact final score of 6-5 Red Sox. And that's what it was! Sox win on odd sac-fly-with-errant-throw in bottom 9th!

Where to start with this mofo? Oh right, the Kruk thing. Where to go second? How about Pedroia hitting a near-walk-off dong in a 5-5 tie in the ninth? Are those the best angles ESPN had? Lemme guess: The left field camera, instead of showing an "along the fence" view, was zooming in for player reactions to a possible winning hit. No, more likely to fans ready to...raise their arms! All they gave us on a border call--the most basic of reviewable plays, one which was already reviewable last year before all this new replay was introduced--were head-on shots! About two of them. It looked like the glove reached over, but it was inconclusive, which is what MLB said. So they had to keep Dustin at second. I will say that it's not as easy as it looks to get a full glove out over the red line. Didn't matter since we won anyway. But this brings up yet another problem with replay: apparently the only feeds they have are what the networks choose to show. Shouldn't they have their own automated cameras fixed on all home run borders? (And shouldn't this have happened last year?) I also wonder if they listen to the announcers and let that affect their decisions. (God knows we don't want them listening to Remy's opinion on these plays, the man is legally blind.) And I also wonder what happens when two or more replay decisions need to be made in different games at the same time! Do the umps get a message that says "your call will answered in the order in which it was received, your approximate wait time is...."?

So after that play, Papi walked, and the O's changed pitchers. Napoli was due up with the winning run in scoring position. They go to break. Commercials. Commercials. More commercials. I start getting worried. The goddamn heavy hitter is telling me his law office is open 24 hours. Then they play this chintzy local commercial again, and now I know the game must be going on, and I fear them cutting back to a celebration, with me missing the winning hit. Sure enough, they finally cut back, and the count is 1-0 and another pitch is on the way! Not only did we miss the new pitcher's stat-intro, but we missed a pitch which could have been a game-ending hit, and almost another one. Now this could have been unique to my cable company in my area, but somebody fucked this up and should be killed. Fine, just fired. Okay okay, suspended. Without pay!

So then Nap gets drilled on the kneecap in a move that that villain in Cloak & Dagger would have been proud of. Bases loaded, one out, crowd going crazy knowing we've already come back from 5-0. Carp lines to left. Pedroia breaks toward home. Ball caught. Pedroia heads back to third to tag up, though it's shallow and he's probably not going to even try to score. He hits the bag and bluffs for home as the throw goes by him toward home. He naturally heads back to third yet again. But either he sees out of the corner of his eye, or his coach tells him, the throw is going past the catcher! Dustin bolts for home. And in one last moment of slight uncertainty, starts to take his helmet off to celebrate but realizes that the pitcher has made a pretty nifty play backing up and playing the carom perfectly off the back wall, so he puts his hands back down and sprints through home as the throw to the catcher is offline and still late. He gives the safe sign as he crosses into victory-land. Sox 6, O's 5.

As for how they got there, Peavy didn't have it tonight. It was 5-0 going bottom 6, when Jonny Wadd hit a three-run dong. The next inning, a rally was aided by a transfer play (note to ESPN: the call wasn't controversial, the rule is), with Papi's single making it 5-4, and another Oriole miscue tying it. Napoli grounds to deep third. Guy tries for force at home, instead of turning an easy 5-4-3 inning-ending DP. Throw one-hops catcher, can't handle it, game tied. After that, Gomes went 2-0 and 3-1 but couldn't come through, and Nava struck out to end the threat, and the fun would have to wait.

Also, the O's got a leadoff double in their half of the 9th, but Miller got the next two guys. Then, Buck Showalter had Dmitri Young's brother on-deck, ready to pinch-hit. But since Farrell came out of the dugout before Young was announced, he was forced to make his move, at which point Buck goes back to the original hitter. At this point, I knew we were gold. Know why? Because baseball is the only one of the major sports where if you're taken out of a game, that's your night. Mentally, you're done. You can check out right there, remove the "game face," because it is illegal for you to play again in that game. And this poor sap had been told to grab a seat because a pinch-hitter will be replacing him. Then suddenly, Ooh, ooh, mistake, guess what, guy, we're able to let you stay in, grab a bat! I knew that motherfucker was striking out there. And he did. Weakly. Maybe if you were gonna pinch-hit Geno Petralli for Ted Williams, and you get a chance to stick with Williams after all, fine, go ahead and call him back. But when it's Delmon Young vs. David Lough, I say just go ahead and use the guy you planned on using anyway. Based on nothing other than the fact that the original guy is already gamefaceless.

Sox now in third place, 2 games out of first, 1 out of second.

We do it all over again in 12 hours. Morning baseball on Monday.

Sox Win, Yanks Don't

Didn't you think Holt's triple should have been a double and an error? Replay showed that he was about to stop at second when he saw Jones having trouble with the ball. Note: This is neither here nor here's longtime nemesis, there. And I'm sure Holt will take the three-bagger. I'm happy for him. Nice job by him taking over Ryan Roberts's spot. That guy was good at having tattoos but not good at not striking out.

The Keyser Soze Crew did their thing: Papi donged deep, Taz and Koji turned the lights off and turned the heat down to 62 before bed.

Doobie struck out 7 through 6 plus.

Sunday's game is on ESPN at 7:05, then it's the morning start on Monday. You can bet they'll be no BP that day. And probably not much B in the game either. I predict an 8-2 win Sunday and a 2-0 win Monday. Then the Yanks come to town to get the existing excrement exited from them. They lost by a score of 16-1 tonight in Tampa. To reiterate, 16-1. The I-Van "didn't go" in this one. So we're two out of first, despite being alone in last.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

HoF Classic

The annual Hall of Fame Classic in Cooperstown will be Saturday, May 24th. Here are your players:

Hall of Famers Roberto Alomar, Andre Dawson, Rollie Fingers, Eddie Murray, Phil Niekro and Ozzie Smith will serve as managers/coaches for the Classic. Former big leaguers slated to participate include Vinny Castilla, Brady Clark, Jeff Conine, Adam Everett, David Eckstein, Steve Garvey, Alex Gonzalez, Luis Gonzalez, Scott Hatteberg, Livan Hernandez, Todd Hollandsworth, Todd Jones, Mark Kotsay, Brad Lidge, Hideki Matsui, Carl Pavano, Kerry Robinson, Ivan Rodriguez, Aaron Rowand, Kirk Rueter, Reggie Sanders, Mike Sweeney, Jim Thome, Dan Wheeler and Jack Wilson.

No Dmitri Young! No Bill Lee either. But some interesting new names in there. For my past coverage of this yearly event, do a search at the top left. Thanks.

Bud against Doobie in a smokin' matchup at Fenway today at 1:35. Yanks/Rays, 7:10.

Big Win the Rays, stopping the Yanks' 5-game winning streak. Yanks blew it, too, as they were up 4-0 early. The "trusted" Adam Warren couldn't hold the lead, and then they brought in a guy who hit three batters in one inning, getting himself ejected essentially for not knowing where the ball was going when it left his hand. Rays win 11-5.

Red Sox lose to O's. We had a few chances to get back in this one, but...end of sentence. Still, this division doesn't know what to do with itself. Once we start hitting, we roll.

When I got in the car after work tonight, I heard Castiglione talking about Markakis getting a double, and that this one was "a legitimate double." Click here to read the details on Joy of Sox about yet another blown call that still wasn't unblown despite an extensive replay system being in place.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Red Sox Win, 77-76 (Or Something LIke That)

Each ace had a no-hitter thru 5 tonight. Xander broke up theirs with a dong in the 6th, but the White Sox broke up Lester's too. A single followed by a double-that-Don-called-a-homer tied it at one. And we stayed 1-1 until the 9th. (In the 7th we threw the go-ahead run out at the plate, perfect relay by Pedroia. I've been hearing people say how his relay throws are an underrated part of his game, much like Michael Anthony's back-up vocal work with Van Halen.) Napoli got the slow-roller type of Jeter-hit, then Carp got the inside-out swing type of Jeter hit. Then World Series JMVP David Ross hit one down the right field line for a go-ahead double.

After an intentional walk to Nava, the Red Sox made a sneaky move, pinch-running Sizemore for Carp at third. Sure enough, a safety* squeeze was on, and Herrera dropped down a beauty, run scores. Don't remember Sizemore pinch-running? That's because NESN didn't tell us about it! We all found out he was on base when he was crossing home plate. Even on the post-game, they made no mention of it. I rewound to see when exactly he came in. It wasn't after Carp got on base, because we saw Carp run first to third on the double. Then there was the walk, then a pitching change. If you look closely on the wide-shot of the field after the commercial, you can see the runner on third stretching his legs. That's Sizemore, just in.

So that gave us a two-run lead, and Koji came in and saved it. We take 2 of 3 in Chicago. I love our pitching this season. I think the numbers were something like a 3.40 starter ERA and a low-1's relief ERA in this 7-game road trip. The hitting has been hazy but you know how it is with summer heat and bats coming alive. We're good. Three games out of first, a game out of second, with a hundred and forty-something games to play.

*Not a true safety squeeze, since the bases were loaded. The runner has to make sure the bunt is on the ground, but at that point, it turns into a suicide squeeze, because he has to bolt for home with the force in effect. There's no wait-and-see once the ball is on the ground. NESN misses another chance to explain interesting aspects of baseball. I guess that's what I'm here for. Except they get paid and I don't.

Rotary 4, Village Bank 2, 14 Inn.

Red Sox beat White Sox in 5-hour Little League-ish affair. We scored in the first, then didn't have another hit until the 9th. We trailed 3-1 after 7, but sac flies in the 8th and 9th (aided by about a hundred walks) tied it. Then we scored a run in the 11th and were one strike away from victory, but Mujica gave up a game-tying single. We got the first two guys on base in the next inning, but couldn't score. In the 14th, the White Sox basically forfeited, putting in a position player to pitch. But incredibly, our first two hitters made outs. Finally we realized we should just stand there. Two walks later, Jackie Bradley was up. The White Sox manager had come out and basically told the poor guy on the mound not to walk anyone else, using the "just throw it slow" method. So you knew Jackie was either gonna get a walk, or a pitch that even the mom from Alf could hit. He got the latter, and drilled it down the line for a two-run double. Chicago had the tying run up in the bottom of the 14th, but we held on for the 4-2 win, one that we really needed.

Speaking of Chicago teams that can't do much of anything, the goddamn Cubs couldn't score in either game against the Yanks today. Terrible job.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Goddamn Sonofabitch

Bottom 9, tied. Men on first and second. 2-2 count. White Sox dude tries to check his swing. Pitch is in the zone, and he clearly goes around. Home plate ump blows strike call. First-base ump blows appeal call. Now it's 3-2, easy grounder to short, Xander throws a one-hopper to first, Carp can't handle it. Since the runners were going on the pitch, run scores easily before Carp even picks up the ball. Adding insult to injury, both Don and Jerry say it's the White Sox who "walk off" while we're literally watching the Red Sox walking off the field and the White Sox running onto the field, and to add insult to that insult, Xander does that thing where you try to spit, but it stays hanging off your mouth and you're left to wipe if off with your hand, fooling no one.

Shitty, shitty loss. And the only reason Carp was playing first was because Napoli slid head-first into second and basically broke his finger in half. It took Don and Remy a very long time to notice this, as they first thought the ball hit him, and then, after all the viewers have seen Napoli wearing the extreme ouchy face and his finger Theismann'd in the wrong direction, they show yet another replay at which point Don goes, "oh, that's a dislocated finger." I'm reading now that X-rays were negative so hopefully he comes right back. Also, Pedroia pinch-ran in this game, will start tomorrow. Yanks and Cubs were rained out.

And here's what I wrote earlier in the night, in less shitty times. Spoiler: it's also about Don being bad at his job.

Does Don Orsillo know there's a baseball game going on? When he shows you his bad* behind-the-scenes videos, he's completely flabbergasted when they're cut order to get back to the actual game so we can see a pitch being thrown. Tonight it happened twice in a row, as he couldn't wait to show us the super-exciting ending to the video. It gets cut off and he's shocked. He then (presumably) realizes that's why it was cut off, then they cut back to the video, and again he's ready to show us this payoff, and again, because they rewound it too far and because everything has to begin and end with the "logo wipe" which wastes even more time, it cuts off. And again he's not just sad but genuinely surprised, as if something has gone wrong. No Don, they're cutting back to the game you're supposed to be announcing! Best part was, they never did get back to that video. Or if they did, I missed it, but they didn't do it right away, as, surprise, they had some other pre-planned thing to cut to.

*Are these supposed to look horrible, for that everyman, Twitterific, we are pharmers, bum badum bum bum bum bum, we-have-technology-but-purposely-aren't-using-it feel? Or is Don just that shitty at filming stuff?

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Raiss Relations

One thing that will be fun about the Derek Jeter "One Last Bloop" self-announced-because-that's-the-(new)-classy-way-to-do-it tour: The Raissman articles. Here's the latest. If only the Boston media had some writers like that. Instead they just tell us how Jeter's god, and that Pedroia's and Koji's careers are over when they miss, like, a game.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Replay Replay

So here we are, in a world where MLB has replay...and it seems worse than before. I'm glad to hear basically the entire media agree with me that challenges are ridiculous. I thought that the first time I heard it even suggested. Getting the calls right shouldn't have anything to do with strategy, it should just be part of the rules of the game. So maybe they'll get rid of the stupid NFL challenge system. But even without it, we're stuck with the same incompetence as before, only by different people. One completely blown replay, followed the next day by a call being changed without indisputable evidence. And both went against the Red Sox, while playing the Yankees, on national TV. So yeah I'm pissed, but I'd be pissed no matter what the teams involved were.

And there are so many rules that are hazy, managers are going to be coming up with some weird-ass challenges. For example:

A batter-runner cannot be tagged out after overrunning or oversliding first base if he returns immediately to the base

That's how the rule is written. We thin of it as "...can't be tagged out after overrunning first base as long as he doesn't turn toward second. Also, he can take his sweet-ass time getting back to first after the overrun, as everyone does because they've never been called out for not immediately returning to the bag in the history of baseball."

How long is "immediately"? If it's Game 7 of the World Series and you're up a run with two outs in the ninth, and a guy beats out an infield single, have your first baseman wait five seconds and then tag the guy. Is the World Series over or still going on?

And what about a runner being outside the baseline before first base where they have that box? Any time a guy gets on, just claim he was outside the box, which they usually are. And do it all game long.

I think they need to write a whole new replay rulebook. Some manager is gonna find a way to tilt the machine and it's gonna get weird. (Probably Girardi, since Jeter will probably give him the idea.)

Live-Blogging Myself Reacting To The Providence Outdoor Movie Schedule

Kim just gave me the news: the schedule is out. As I say every year, the NYC movies at Bryant Park are my favorite, but they think a little too hard when choosing titles, whereas the severely scaled-down Providence one just says, "Okay, you're all children of the 80s, here's the shit you like. Again." And we eat it up. So here we go:

June 5th: The Breakfast Club. Those "rat pack" movies were a little ahead of my time. I mean I remember them coming out, and I remember some kids in my class (probably the ones who had kissed girls already) breaking the "rules" and seeing these R-rated flicks. I was sticking with Short Circuit and the one about the kids who somehow fly a Space Shuttle mission by accident. But eventually I came to watch and appreciate some of these movies, TBC being one of them. I ain't no neo maxi zoom dweebie. Good start.

June 12th: Thelma & Louise. Never did see it, because at the time, I was a 15-year old boy, not a 30-year old woman. But it might be good. People seem to like it.

June 19th: Amelie. Kim loves this movie, and after overhyping it for years, she finally showed it to me, and I just didn't see what the big deal was. Maybe I missed something. My neighbor's boyfriend says the director is really cool and has done some other even weirder stuff. Maybe I need a second try at Amelie, or maybe I should try one of his other flicks first.

June 26th: Cocktail. Wow, we continue the theme of "movies Jere was just a little too young/immature for when they came out." In the summer of '88 I was 12, and had no reason to see movies about bars (or whatever). Still don't. And unless Tom Cruise pulls a full McConaughey and sells his soul for some talent, I'll probably never see this movie.

July 3rd: Woodstock. Wow, interesting choice. I have to say, despite being anti-hippie (I'm anti- the free love, weed, trippy music, tie dye, and general barefootedness, not the politics or Hendrix), I'm completely fascinated by Woodstock. I've watched the doc a bunch of times. But I don't know if I'd wanna sit through the whole thing in one sitting. That's 3-4 hours depending on which version they show. We'll see.

July 10th: Adaptation. Nice! I love this movie, in which Nic Cage plays twin brothers. I love a lot of stuff Spike Jonze has done. The "push, push" line gets me every time. And nice job by Brian Cox in this one. And Chris Cooper, of course. (But that Meryl Streep is such a phony!)

July 17th: The Great Escape. I guess this is another one of those classics I missed.

July 24th: Reality Bites. Liked, kinda, didn't love.

July 31st: Smokey and the Bandit. Ha, this would be a good one to see outdoors....

August 7th: Moonrise Kingdom. Nice. You know I've loved Wes Anderson since the beginning. And this movie was shot in my state, including scenes at a beach I spend a lot of time at because one of my old people likes to eat lunch there. Oh, and I've been waiting to use this joke: Isn't it odd that MooKi is the first Wes movie without a Wilson? Ba-dum-bum. PS I just saw a car the other day with the license plate "MINOSO." The type of car? A Mini! I'm all for making a baseball joke with your plate that nobody would get even if Minnie Minoso were still playing, let alone now.

August 14th: Annie Hall. Can't go wrong with Woody. Or NYC movies. Double bonus.

August 21st: The Professional. I can't remember if I saw this. Is this the one where Natalie Portman is like 4 years old?

August 28th: The Wizard of Oz. That would be fun, I'll just have to remember to not watch it if it comes on TV in the months leading up. Because I feel like I've seen it so many times now that I have to wait a while between viewings.

September 4th: Dazed and Confused. Did I ever tell you my thoughts on this? I saw this movie in the theater in college when it came out in 1994. As you know, I love the late 70s/early 80s. And I had gotten into 1979's Over the Edge right around 1989 at age 14. It's great because it's authentic. (Bonus: Much later I found out that Kurt Cobain was inspired by it, as revealed in the Smells Like Teen Spirit video.) So I went in worried about a NEW 70s movie. Sure enough I came out saying, that wasn't about 70s kids, it was about 90s kids, dressed like 70s kids. Which is kind of how 90s kids dressed anyway, with minor comfort alterations. I remember at one point, during the school dance scene, the audience started chuckling. I couldn't figure it out. I finally realized they were laughing at the "funny" clothes. But I was so used to those from A. remembering clothes like that and B. seeing Over the Edge so many times, that it wasn't "funny" to me, just an attempt at authenticity which I respected. Anyway, I guess I still appreciated the movie. Have seen it maybe twice since '94. Would see it again. PS Of course I saw American Hustle (before I knew it would be "Oscar-worthy") based on the 70s-ness and my illogical crush on Bradley Cooper. And my logical crushes on Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence. And it ended up losing out to McConaughey. Go figure.

September 11th: The Goonies. What movie says 9/11 like The Goonies? This is exactly the kind of movie I should have been seeing when it came out, but for some reason, I didn't. But I saw it later. Another fun one to see outside.

September 18th: O Brother, Where Art Thou? Here's another one I'm a fan of, saw it in the theater. I think at the time I hadn't given a crap about George Clooney since The Facts of Life, and OBWAT made me learn to respect him. Sometimes. Great soundtrack, too. (Cue comments about how it's bluegrass watered down for the mainstream, and that my favorite punk band must be Green Day too.)

September 25th: The Never Ending Story. Haha! Classic! To an 80s kid who was too young for the brat pack, anyway. Freakin' Bastian, man, he's so serious. Actually, so are the kids who played Atreyu and the Empress. Say my name! I bet the casting call for this film was weird, with adults in whatever the hell country they filmed it in being all stern and telling these child actors that if they're there to fuck around, they've come to the wrong place. (Remember when characters like Atreyu and Belle and Sebastian weren't band names? Those were the days.)

Wait, didn't it go into October last year? Oh well. Looking back up at the top of the article, I see that our nation's McConaugh-hay fever has led Dazed and Confused to be the top selling point. And I see the restaurant that has always hosted these movies closed! Oh well, they lost Kim's credit card one time, so to hell with them. Maybe we'll get a better host now. Also, Ghostbusters turns 30 and Ramis dies, and it's not on this schedule?


Frustrating shit this weekend. Will quickly follow this post with a one I wrote a few days ago about movies. Bye.

Sunday, April 13, 2014


Shitburger of a loss yesterday. So this replay thing.... I'm not saying that one call cost us the game or anything, I'd be saying this even if it had been 15-1 and no matter which team got screwed: what's the point of a reply system if a replay shows an obviously missed call, the umpires look at it, and still don't change the call? Guy's foot came off the bag, glove is on him, how is he not out? (And didn't you love how the guys in the truck had to spell it out for Don and Rem before they even noticed, finally just putting up a still frame of the moment the guy was out?) And Don/Rem watch this happen and don't say shit about it! There was your chance to say "what in the world happened there?" and go on and on about how stupid this is, but they just moved right on. I don't know, maybe they covered it in post-game or maybe it's "being talked about" today, I have no idea. In my world, that play would be the top story of the next shitty 24-hour twitterverse intersocialstupidwhatever cycle.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Sox Beat CC As Per Usual

Saying "I predicted it" online or anywhere else is about as pointless as describing a dream, but I SWEAR I visualized that Sizemore dong exactly. I mean I was cheering for it before it happened. We'd been getting shutdown by Skinny Oprah, until Jonny Wadd slapped a johnson in the 6th to tie it at one. At that point I was thinking that we just need one big inning. Take a big-ish lead and get this win. Two men got on, and then it was Lil' Grady. And I made it happen with my mind. Three-run job and it was 4-1, and you could turn your sets off there, folks. Actually, you would have missed Koji NOT come into the game. We had to sweat through Mujica, but he made quick work of the Yanks in the 9th to preserve the 4-2 victory.

Then we cut to Tom Caron who went into full media-invented-crisis mode. Why do they pretend like they don't love this stuff? First he said "the Red Sox win but the focus of the next hour will be why Koji didn't enter this game." Then after John Farrell said he wasn't concerned and that it was just shoulder stiffness, TC came right back with "until I SEE HIM ON THE MOUND, I'm gonna be concerned." You could see the glint in his eye, almost as if he was excited to win a bet among colleagues as to who could start the next fake drama. At which point, we all sit there calmly while they panic, but tell us that we're the ones who are panicking.

I'm not saying that your closer not pitching when he's supposed to isn't a big deal, but Jesus, they were showing the guy. He was in the ballpark. He wasn't in a sling. He wasn't on his back. You could tell that whatever it was was minor, then the manager tells us it's minor, and then TC loses his shit over it. Who knows, maybe this minor stiffness is some magic bullet career-ending injury, but let's take it a step at a time, eh?

Some dumbass Yankee fan called the FAN today and said "beyond Pedroia and Ortiz, this Red Sox lineup is weak." He may as well have said, "I've watched exactly ONE Red Sox game and here's what I've surmised." Francesa had to let the guy know about Victorino and "Middlebury" being injured. And nobody mentioned Xander. Meanwhile, Solarte is in Monument Park already. We've got a Timo Perez Syndrome in the making there. It's so funny how any time a young or new-but-poor Yankee does well, you have these callers saying how great it is that the Yanks are this underdog small-market juggernaut, at which point Francesa notes "well they only spent x hundred million dollars in the offseason...."

Q. What's the best part about seeing one of those faux-tough guy drunken "'New Yorker' who's actually from Westport" Yankee fans celebrating in the stands in the "it's manifest destiny that we the Yankees will beat you the Red Sox" style?

A. Knowing that they know which team is the defending world champions, and which one has won a lot of times in the last decade-plus as opposed to one time. If you ever feel like that isn't killing them, simply remember that it is, and your day will brighten by three times.

Friday, April 11, 2014


Good Jeter column by the always-critical-of-the-stupid-Yankees Bob Raissman.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Chocolate Doughnut

Well at least ClayHH rebounded, kinda, from his first start. We lose, 4-1 in NY. Heard some* of this one on the radio, and noticed that Castig does the "sad call" when Jeter makes an out. Terrible job, Joe.

*Saw the rest on TV. Figured I'd clarify since that line makes it sound like I missed most of the game.

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