Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Out Of The (Shoddy) Woodwork

I always make the joke, "yankee fans don't pay attention until playoff time." Which isn't really a joke, considering it's true among 90% of people who claim to be yankee fans. But I don't know if I've actually ever heard someone blatantly admit it--until yesterday.

There's this person at work who is the type that in school would say, "But teacher, you forgot to give us homework!" So they've got that going for them right off the bat. (I'm using the genderless "they" here, which is doubly appropriate because I'm pretty sure this person is a robot.) Just the kind of person you wish would go away. "Uh, I never got the feedback on that job I did..." That's him, only say it in a real nerdy voice. No, not the cool kind of nerd (like us), the kind who just doesn't realize that it doesn't matter that you wrote something in black ink, even if the "official instructions" say you're supposed to write in blue.

Anyway, this person has never worn any sports-related items (we have a very casual workplace) to work, and I've never heard them make any mention of sports in any way. But Monday, after the yanks got that big sweep of the Sox (Oh, we know it wasn't a sweep, but you know yankee fans--those two big wins plus a near win, that's a sweep to them, just like they won the '01 World Series.), suddenly everyone was talkin' about the yanks. Including the Robot. 'Bot was asking someone how many games the yanks had won over the weekend. I thought, "What's this, suddenly this dumbass is a yankee fan?" Then the 'Bot said it: "Right around now is when I usually start paying attention." Shudder.

You know what? I honestly don't have a problem with someone who is a casual fan. As long as they admit it. If you're gonna not care about your team all season long, and then wear a yankees world champs shirt in November, can you at least come up to the guy who's been wearing the Sox gear all year, dying night after night, riding the emotional rollercoaster while you played Skee-Ball, only to look up and find that your team has been crowned king, therefore making you better than me, and say, "Hey man, I know you're way more into this than me, I'm not a true fan, but I got the shirt, the yanks are always gonna be my team, you know, until the Mets are good again, so I don't know what to tell ya."? Is that too much to ask?

Or go ahead and be like George Carlin, who admits that he's proud to just be a fan of whoever wins, because sports are supposed to be fun, and why become attached to someone who'll break your heart? But just admit it. Don't come in with some stupid yankee shirt in October and think I'm not gonna notice that you didn't wear one all year, or that I'll think you're a "true fan" who just happens to wait until the World Series is over before wearing your team's colors.

*Please note that I am a big fan of George Carlin as well as Skee-Ball.

Also on Monday, I overheard some other non-yankee fan on the phone saying, "We were right by third base, so we were really close to A-Rod and Derek Jeter." Well let's just throw a parade for you, taking up seats that actual baseball fans would love to have so that you can gawk at the cute superstars.

That day, I was wearing my "F the yanks" t-shirt at work. I had my jacket zipped up so it wasn't really visible, but after these little events, I opened that crap up, because I needed these phonies to see that they're not in some yankee-friendly utopia, where, Hey, it's October, everybody's a yankee fan! Go yanks! I get the feeling these people think that all the baseball fans are yankee fans, and everyone else is an October yankee fan. And that's it. That's all the people. In the world. That there are. Mm-hmm. Can you pull the SUV into the garage, honey, I think it might drizzle.

Okay, I guess this is turning into a shot at suburban yankee fan phonies, so I apologize to you homeless real yankee fans out there.

Maybe I just need some better yankee fans at work. Even the ones that do pay attention couldn't be paying that close attention. This one person wore their yankee shirt today, after they lost. Why not wear it Monday, after they took 2 out of 3 from us? Could it be a laundry issue? I don't get these people.

Even more to come later, but I've gotta go watch/listen to some baseball.

Oh, no, don't get out of the pool yankee fans, we'll let you know when the playoffs start.


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Location: Rhode Island, United States