Saturday, December 11, 2004


Lots of new Red Sox all of a sudden.

Mantei. Nice, just stay healthy, buddy.

Renteria. Sweet. The guy who made the last out of the Sox first WS win since '18 leads Sox to repeat.

Halama. Born in Brooklyn. Middle name Thadeuz. Lefty. Sounds okay to me.

David Wells. Lefty. Good pitcher.

Moving on, I was buying a speedboat today and...whoa whoa whoa--David Freakin' Wells??? Mr. I Wanna Blow Up Fenway Park? On OUR team? I just don't believe it. This will take a LOT of getting used to. (i.e. You're not allowed to lose a game, "Wellzie." Not one.) Of course, yankee fans must be pissed about this. And that makes anything in the world worth while. (Evil laugh.)

According to dirt dogs, a "source" says Tek and Pedro are about to sign. I really hope this isn't the same source (his butt) who said Pavano is DEFINITELY going to the Phillies. (Pavano later narrowed his choice down to five teams, none of which was the Phillies, and has now signed with the yanks. I guess he wanted to pitch for a choker. What are ya gonna do?)

Check out this thread on SoSH, turns out Sox fans aren't as pissed about the ID cards as dirt dog says we are.

People Who Died

Did anyone else notice that dirt dog posted an insensitive, way-too-soon* joke about Dimebag to his site? Well, he took it down, but it said something like "I can't make it to the Bonds/A-Rod signing, because I'll be at Dimebag's wake." And there was a link to the story of this man getting shot and killed on stage by a psycho, who also shot a bunch of other people before he himself was shot dead, which apparently was a big joke to dessert dog.

Great job, dog. You're so sensitive to the girl who got shot at Fenway, and the football player turned soldier who got shot by other American troops, but a guy with long hair and tattoos and a funny name gets shot and killed in front of his brother, while trying to entertain people, and suddenly it's joke-a-thon '82 at dirtdogs HQ.

People must have complained, because he took it down.

If you're like me, and most American music fans, you were into metal before you got into punk before you got into metal again before you realized music is music, and it's okay to like anything, no matter what trendy label it's given or broad category it's thrown into. That said, as much as I make fun of the more macho-style metal, Dimebag was responsible for some of the most kick-proverbial-ass metal riffs of all time. And while the singer of Pantera (this guy's well-known former band) literally used to haunt me in my nightmares (I think that's what he was going for), I have to admit they had some pretty awesome tunes. Pat & I used to play that song "Walk," at Pac-Men practice. "Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to maaaaaaaay?" Surely you know the tune.

Anyway, as someone who plays music in front of people, it's just pretty scary to think that someone might come up and shoot you while you're playing, all for doing nothing but trying to do something fun and hopefully entertaining for people who were nice enough to listen to what you're playing.

I think of dirt dog as the dad in that Twisted Sister video. The kid's playing guitar in his room, and the dad comes in and yells, "I carried an M-16! And you carry that, that, that TWANGER!!"

About that Bonds/A-Rod thing: It's this thing in NYC where you pay thousands of dollars to get in and can have those two losers sign stuff, and you get a goodie bag of "corporate gifts," like a "timepiece." I think that means a watch. The FUNNIEST thing about this is that ESPN radio is sponsoring this event, and Michael Kay is emceeing it. So Kay's gotta read these "serious" ads about this event that he can't possibly support. But he reads them all prim and proper-like, while his goofball producers are probably biting their tongues while Kay is contractually forced to refer to Bonds as a great athlete, and talk about how "many consider this to be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." And it only costs $7500 to get in! This is something that all the other talk show hosts in town are making fun of, and the jokester Kay doesn't get to because he's on the station that's hosting it. Awesome.

*When I say "way-too-soon," I'm referring to the American tradition of giving a little cushion between tragedy and jokes about that tragedy. A cushion which is getting smaller and smaller. The Titanic "ride"--slide down the angled, sinking inflatable ship to your death, kids!--at the carnival that comes to the Danbury Mall every summer makes me wonder how long it'll be before kids are taking the "World Trade Center Plunge" at Disney World. There was also a Family Guy episode where the dog, Brian, makes a joke about FDR being in a wheelchair. When the rest of the family groans at his joke, he says, "What? Too soon?"

Friday, December 10, 2004

The Dirt Dogs ID Card Chronicles Continue

One day, back in the 90s, I was watching a stand-up comedian on TV. He was a black dude whose name escapes me. He was doing a routine which went something like this:

"Did you know that in Arizona, they don't recognize Martin Luther King, Jr's Birthday as a holiday? You'd think at the very least they'd observe it just to get the day off from work. Man, I'd celebrate Hitler's Birthday if I got a day off for it."

My point is that Red Sox fans are getting a chance to pay 10 bucks in return for a bunch of stuff. The proof of puchase comes in the form of a card (not a tattoo, or chip in the brain; we've been over this). It's called a fan club. It's a way for an entity to give back to the people that support it. Or something.

Apparently, if the card was called the "Red Sox Fan Club" card, "we" (dirt dog) wouldn't be so mad. I know I'd be more offended if this thing was called "The EXTREME Red Sox Fan Card! Get Some!!!" But you know what? Like that comedian, I'd still buy it, because I'm getting a bunch of stuff in return, not because I feel the need to further prove that I'm a Red Sox fan.

I'm still missing how this is any different from buying a Red Sox T-shirt. When you buy one of those, you're getting something that "proves" to everyone that you are a Red Sox fan, by giving money to some store, which gets divided among that store, the company that made the shirt, MLB, the team, etc. (But not the slave laborers who probably hand stitched that shirt.) And the booteg shirts, which a lot of fans have--None of that money's going to charity, or the team. So wouldn't buying a T-shirt, or any other item with the Sox logo, go against the "Root for Free/We don't need no proof of fandom" ideology? Does dirt dog refuse to wear Red Sox T-shirts, too? I'm guessin' he's got a couple.

"But they STOLE our name," shouts the Nation. "Our man Dan Shaughnessy came up with 'Red Sox Nation'!"

Dan Shaughnessy came up with "The Curse of the Bambino," too. (Considering how much dirt dog loathes that title, the only thing more ironic than this in this whole story is the fact that dirt dog's Red Sox Nation ID card # is probably #0000001.)

When Marcia Brady joined the Davy Jones fan club, I bet she got a little card. Did she whine and say, "I don't need no CARD to prove I'm a Davy Jones fan!" No, she took the card, and look what happened: Soon she was the PRESIDENT of the Davy Jones fan club! And without that confidence of knowing she was Davy's number one fan, she may never have gotten him to go to the prom with her.

With his attitude, you know who dirt dog's gonna end up with? Mickey Dolenz.

But back to the lecture at hand...

The "card" is something you get that you keep in your wallet, unlike a T-shirt, which is prominently displayed on your torso for all to see. ("I don't need to PROVE I'm a fan!") And with the T-shirt, that's all you get. So if you get one--no, if you get a sweatshirt--no, let's go all out here, if you get the1941 Wool Red Sox Jacket, for upwards of 500 bucks, you get a big fluffy thing that you wear around, which seems to indicate that you want everyone to know you're a HUGE Red Sox fan. But if you get the card for 10 bucks, you get a piece of plastic that no one has to see, unless you purposely show it to them, AND you get a bunch of discounts on tickets and Gameday Audio (which some of us need because we can't see NESN because we're not considered part of New England even though we clearly are--I wonder if dirt dog will ever complain about that) and a bunch of other stuff.

And then the large canine goes and says what a great job the yankees did with their fan club. You think if the yankee fans had a name that they all called themselves, MLB wouldn't have slapped it onto the name of their fan club? Of course they would have. (Join the Frontrunners' Club Today!-heh heh)

And if he's really concerned about charity, well doesn't this money from the card deal go to the Sox, who give to the Jimmy Fund? Like I said about the T-shirts, much of that money goes elsewhere. So you're giving more money to charity in a roundabout way by buying this card/membership than you are by buying another piece of merch.

Also, wasn't there a BIG billboard that said Red Sox Nation (albeit in Morse Code) at Fenway Park? What was that, an Adidas ad, or New Era or something? The name has long been a marketing tool, I'm sorry to say.

But here's the most interesting line of dirt dog's take on this issue. He says, sarcastically:

"If you don't buy a card and get your ID number, well, I guess you are a phony fan on the outside looking in, no matter how long your family has given their heart, soul, and wallet to this team."

What's the key word there? Wallet. He's implying that one of the things you must do to prove your Red Sox fandom is to give the team your money. Well, here's his chance.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Jaret's Room

Jaret Wright? Terrible job, yanks.

The backwards one today told a story about "Mr. Wrong." He said that a "writer friend" of his once came across Jaret in an elevator. Wright shoved him and said he didn't want to be on the elevator with him.

Overall, New York media types agree that the move was a bad one. They should have kept Lieber.

And about that Stanton for Heredia trade. The most hated guy on the Mets for the most hated guy on the yanks. They're both just gonna end up getting booed in a different part of town.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Faith Rewarded

Brooks Pharmacy--For all your Red Sox needs. This dude at work tipped me off to Brooks, telling me that would be selling the new NESN DVD, Faith Rewarded, for 15 bucks. Not only did they have that, but they're still carrying the original Sports Illustrated from when the Sox won, the commemorative issue, and a bunch of other little magazines about the Red Sox. I'm sure it's like this in every store in Boston, but down here in SW CT, this stuff can be hard to find. I missed getting that original SI, and here it is over a month later, and this one place is still carrying it. Nice job, Brooks.

So I watched the DVD, and it made me laugh and cry and have all those other fun human emotions. I'll give away the ending: The Red Sox win the World Series. It's so great to watch all the key moments again. I'll be watching this DVD a lot. It'll be like medicine. Sore throat? Red Sox win World Series...again. All better. Severed leg? World Champs. I'm walkin' again.

I love the special feature "Cooking with Ortiz." Sam Horn (in a SoSH T-shirt) goes to David's place, where Papi greets him wearing a yankee Hater hat and...a SoSH shirt. Then he cooks up a Dominican meal, and claims that if you don't have flavor, you're not allowed in his house.

There's also a piece where Cabrera shows us some of the handshakes he has with certain teammates. This stuff might have already been on NESN, (which I can't get, as my gift for living my whole life IN New England,) but it was new to me. There's also hella parade coverage.

And I now have the Pokey catch to watch whenever I want. This is the one that blows Jeter's catch away (from the same game), but was never shown agian, while Jeter's phony crowd dive was shown millions of times. I think because it, like, symbolized something. The heart of a loser, maybe. Something like that, I can't remember. All I know is if you watch Pokey's catch in slow-mo, you see how he had NO time to react to the wall he was about to flip over, while Jeter had a good three steps to think about what he was going to do.

Also, to clear something up, I said a few days ago that I held a sign that read, "Michael Kay has a god complex" at Game 3 of the ALCS. I remembered incorrectly. It was "Michael Kay is an ego-maniac." Sorry for the confusion.

Quiz #11

What's Pee Wee's dog's name in Pee Wee's Big Adventure?

Monday, December 06, 2004

Another Day In Headline Paradise

A Red Sox Fan In Pinstripe Territory has just learned from an ultra-secret source (myself, sitting at home, reading a press release from that the Sox have claimed right handed pitcher Tim Bausher off waivers.

I picture a wild scene in the war room, with people running around and chaotically clicking at typewriters. "Okay, people, we need a headline! The name is Bausher! Anybody have anything yet?" "What about Bausch & Lomb, boss?" "Good, good, what do they do?" "They make beer!" "No, that's Anheuser-Busch, Bausch & Lomb is contact lenses." "Okay, contacts. Let's see, Sox, uh, Make Contact With Bausher & Lomb...Lomb...Lomb-Mein Will Be Served. To Opposing Hitters!" "A little wordy, there, chief." "Okay, Bausher Is New Lomb-Man On Totem Pole" "What the hell does that mean??" "How the hell should I know?" "Okay, we need to think, people. Bausher...Bausher...Hey, wasn't the guy from Sha Na Na named Bausher?" "What the hell is Sha Na Na?" "It was a show from the 70's with this greaser guy named Bausher." "No, it was Bowzer." "What was Bowzer's catch phrase?" "I think it was 'Grease for Peace,' boss." "Okay, I've Got It. Sha Na Nation Greases Peace With Bausher." "Perfect, boss!" "...And Lomb!" "Uh, we're off that."

So we'll see what the real headline is tomorrow morning at 7:07, 8:08, or 9:09, I guess, if this merits a headline at all. I can't wait.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Sham Chowder

I just read about Pavano's meeting with the yanks. Turns out I was walking around midtown Saturday at the same time as Cashman and friends were treating Carl to dinner and a Broadway show in the area. So chances are, they saw the same amount of Red Sox hats as I did. I can just see Cashman leading Pavano around, and, every time he sees a red 'B,' just grabbing Carl by the arm, turning him away from it, and going, "If you'll look over here--no, no, not there, over HERE, you'll see the wonderful Met Life Building." Then a bunch of Cashman's henchmen grab the Sox fans and push them down a side street, before giving Cashman the signal that it's okay to start walking again.

Hey, that'd be a funny sitcom. A goofy doormat of a baseball GM tries to sell free agents on his city, while getting hassled on the street by fans of both his own team and the rival team (and his overbearing boss), leading countless ball players to leave him and his choking team in the dust. I picture Cashman pulling a Norman Fell (Mr. Roper on Three's Company)-- breaking the fourth wall once per episode, with an "Aw shucks, not ageeeain" look on his face, as another free agent walks away. And of course, "The Boss" would have to yell, "Cash-MAAAN!" at the end of each episode. Oh that Cashman, he cracks me up.

In Simpsons/Arrested Development news, Simpsons was good tonight--funny when the Fox News truck went by with a big Bush sign on it, blaring "We Are The Champions." (By the way, isn't it great to hear that song on the radio now?-- Because of the Sox, not the "president.")

Arrested Development had it all tonight: That song from the Charlie Bown Christmas Special (which airs Tuesday at 8 on a network that doesn't need any help with advertising), "The Final Countdown" by Europe, a kid throwing a dustbuster at a bus, and as always, David Cross. My friend Brian just lent me a bunch of Cross comedy cds, as well as the first few seasons of Cross's old HBO show, Mr. Show. I know I'm really late on this, but if you're not into David Cross yet, go out and buy everything he's done. He's funny on Arrested Development (he plays the bald guy who made the agreement with his wife to see other people), but I hope they start giving him more lines. Usually his lines involve a swear word, which gets bleeped out, making them even funnier.

Speaking of Cross's old show, I was psyched to see Maynard from Tool on Mr. Show a bunch of times. I was really into that band for many years in the nineties and slightly beyond. I remember hearing that Maynard was on "some HBO show" back then, but since I never got HBO, I just ignored it. Now almost ten years later, I'm sittin' there watching this show for the first time, going, Oh my god, Maynard's on TV! Anyway, I bring this up because: The other day I heard a cover of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall," or whatever it's called, by crap-churners Korn. Even though I don't like Floyd, I thought, Bands are allowed to cover this song? Then a few days later, I heard the last few seconds of what sounded like a cover of John Lennon's "Imagine." I was all ready to come on here and say, "Covering 'Imagine'? You might as well remake Taxi Driver with Ashton Kutcher as Travis Bickle!" But then I heard that it was the band A Perfect Circle who covered it. A Perfect Circle is the "other band" of...Maynard from Tool. So I went to their website, and on there, you can watch the video for the song (directed by Jerry Casale of Devo, a band Maynard named his son after). It's a great video; nice piece of commentary on our messed up society. And you can hear how their version of the song is basically a different song entirely from Lennon's version (making it okay that they covered it. Notice how I play favorites.)

And to Sam about the dirtdogs situation: I guess you're right, popularity is the reason brings to the internet world. I have said before that the site has its good qualities, like links to everything Red Sox. But still, it's too bad that it's considered "the" Red Sox site, considering the things that are wrong with it, and that it tries to show the world what "real" Sox fans are thinking, when we might be thinking the opposite, or, gasp, when some Sox fans have a different opinion than other ones have. Also, I will say that he gets a lot more emails than I do, like the ones from me he never responded to, so it's easier for me to respond to everyone that writes to me. Finally, you said (about other Sox fans not responding to me when I'd try to talk to them in NYC) "Or some people are just shy. I'm guessing you're not?" Well, I mostly saw stares into space, like the person truly didn't hear me over the street noise. (This was going on not on some side street, but in the bustle of midtown.) Plus, had I actually made an attempt to stop them, and start talking about the Sox, I'm sure they would've been glad to talk to me. But I was giving them a one-shot holler while zippng past, and it didn't always work out. And funny you should mention shyness. Even though I have willed myself to be able to go on stage and play guitar and sing lately, as well as do a public access TV where I'd go right up to people on the street (sound familiar?), I actually am the shyest person you know. Ask people I've worked or gone to school with, and 90% percent of them will tell you they've never heard me speak. All this "non-shy" stuff I do also usually involves me having at least one friend with me. Without them, I probably couldn't even approach people, let alone sing in front of them. However, the whole "Red Sox winning the World Series" thing is changing me, because now when I encounter another Sox fan up here in the 'burbs in a less crowded setting, like, say, while buying WS memorabilia at the store, I can go right up to them and talk Red Sox, even if I am there by myself.

Also, no making fun of me for going to midtown. Chan & I decided to just be tourists for a change. We're allowed.

Red Sox Nation - Gotham

Chan & I went down to NYC tonight. So many Red Sox hats! Amazing. I'd say the number of yankee hats I saw tonight over a four hour period spent mostly walking around streets jammed with people was down about 80% from the pre-choke, pre-team-they-said-could-never-win-because-their-uniforms-say-"Boston"-(unlike-their-team-whose-uniforms-say-"S"-for-Superman)-just-won-the-World-Series-and-there's-nowhere-to-hide-even-in-their-own-city days. Conversely, the usual one or two Red Sox hats has turned to double digits. And I only counted one person that I considered to be a "new" (wink wink) Sox fan. It was a kid with baggy pants, and his backwards facing Sox hat had a 0% sweat content, unlike the 94% of mine. But everyone else seemed legit. They're just out of the closet now, as Chan said. And the eye contact I got from yankee fans, once again, was exactly none.

I tried giving people the "Yeah, Sox!" routine, but New York city is just so damned loud, I think a lot of people just didn't hear me. So I only got a few responses. Or maybe it was because people, especially tourists, aren't expecting strangers walking by to just yell in their face, and they kind of block out all voices that aren't those of the people they're with. You know, to avoid getting hassled by some guy with fliers for the strip club, or worse yet, assaulted. Then again, it could just be because there are so many Red Sox fans in the city (like there are everywhere) that it's no big deal for an NYC Sox fan to see another Sox hat. It also could very well be that a New Yorker, Sox fan or otherwise, just doesn't want to be bothered. I'll do some further research on this next week, since I'm going down there twice, once for another Brian Regan show, and again to see The Life Aquatic, which opens down there before it does up here.

And go to Bullshit Memorial Stadium, an awesome blog by a Sox fan in the heart of pinstripe territory, for a brilliant anti-yankee rant. Here's a teaser: "Show of hands- how many people would love to corner Michael Kay to ask him which was worse- the 'disgrace and disrespect' shown by Johnny Damon's hair (his words), or the use of illegal steroids by two Yankees?"

Uh, both hands way up over here. That also reminds me of something I never mentioned on here. On Halloween night, I was driving home after my band, Ruato, played our Halloween show. I was listening to the news, and they said that the annual Halloween parade was about an hour from starting up down in NYC, in Greenwich Village. If you don't know about it, it's made up of people who, on every other day, wear what a lot of people would consider a Halloween costume...dressed in what they would call a Halloween costume. In other words, it's a really cool place to be on Halloween. I thought, I'm an hour away from the city, I should go down there. But I decided against it. The next day, I was listening to my arch-rival, Michael Kay, and he said how he "accidentally" was down in the Village when the parade came by. After a giggling, homophobic exchange with his producers about why he was at this gay-positive event, he told us how one guy recognized him and said "You're Michael Kay," to which Kay responded, "No, this is my costume!" (Yeah, I'm sure you're that quick, Mike.) Anyway, the point is, had I gone to the parade, I actually could have seen Kay, which is my dream, because I've got lots to say to the man.

I also never mentioned how at Game 3 of the ALCS, I wrote "Micheal Kay Has A God Complex" on a piece of paper, and held it in front of me while standing right behind the dugout during BP. There were lots of camera people on the field, naturally, and I thought maybe one would think it was funny and get a shot of it. A bunch of cameras were pointing up into the seats, but I think they were more interested in little kids with big signs than some guy with five days' growth on his face on top of a pointy goatee holding a tiny handwritten (with a pen) sign. But it was worth a shot.

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