Tuesday, August 02, 2005


I got home from New England today, and... that's weird to say, since I lived there my whole life up until a few months ago. Except for my brief attempt at college. Anyway, on Thursday, before I left, Chan said something about wanting to see a movie called The Aristocrats. I had no reaction, since I hadn't even heard of the movie. And the subject somehow changed before I could even ask him about it. This weekend, I read reviews of it, and decided I had to see it.

So I got back here today, and when Chan got home, I said "Aristocrats?" And Chan's all up in my grill, givin' me all this static about "You had no interest!" and "I saw that shit without your sorry, indifferent ass!"

Actually, he just casually said, "I saw it."

But he said he'd see it again. Which I took as a good sign.

So we took the express train to Union Square, and, yes, saying that makes me feel much cooler than I did back when I used to have to travel an hour just to get a sniff of Yonkers, and went to the ten o'clock showing.

This movie is about a joke that every comedian knows, and tells in their own way. But they never really tell it on stage. And the punch line is the title of the movie. But the joke isn't about the destination, it's about the journey. And the goal in telling it is to fill that journey with the raunchiest, vilest, most perverted pit stops from the deepest recesses of your sick mind.

It's hi-freakin'-larious, dude.

The movie is comprised of interviews with dozens of different comedians, talking about the joke and telling their version of it.

Some folks featured in the film are George Carlin, Robin Williams, Jason Alexander, Drew Carey, Susan Silverman, Penn & Teller (Penn's the one who made the movie), Jon Stewart, Gilbert Gottfried, the South Park kids..."and the rest," as the singer or singers of the Gilligan's Island theme once sang.

I've always heard about Bob Saget's sick sense of humor, and he finally shows it off here.

This is the filthiest movie you'll see. All in its language, though. Still, a lot of people will be offended by it. Personally, I was only offended by the cost of M&M's.

I can be offended, if that's even the word, by things like racism, sexism, and the casualness of certain yankee fans. In fact, I'm pretty proud of myself when I don't laugh at a sexist comment, when everyone else in the room does. But this movie is about a joke. If you go into it with even the slightest bit of your guard in the upright and locked position, you will walk out--into the boring, unfunny world. So let it down, byitch, and prepare to laugh yourself silly. Over things you'd never do to grandma--or your dog--in real life.

This week I'll be seeing two of my favorite people for the total cost of zero dollars, plus train fare. Tomorrow, I'm going to a special sneak preview of the new Bill Murray movie. (Thanks for the heads up, mom.) And Thursday, I'm going to see a live interview with Mike Myers. The "north of the border" one, not the "south of the border" one. Get it? It's gonna be an Inside the Actors' Studio-style thing, hosted by David Steinberg. Today, though, Chan informed me that it was a "no casual clothes allowed" deal. Now that I'm offended by. But I guess to see "Middle-Aged Man," aka "Lothar of the Hill People," in person, I'd go nude if I had to. So, I think I might go to the thrift store and by a funky suit or something for the occasion.

And I've got a good feeling about Jose Cruz, Jr. He seemed to be really good, once. And I think maybe he just needs to play in a place where people care, and where there are really good hitters around him, and where the fence is the-distance-formerly-known-as-315/96 feet/meters from home plate. Or maybe he'll just get traded for someone else. But if he stays, I think he could help us in a Larry Parrish sort of way. (That's goin' back to the late-80s, people.)


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Location: Rhode Island, United States