Friday, December 02, 2005

Quiz I Dreamed I Eta 10-lb. Marshmallow

What former Mets pitcher's name is inadvertently mentioned in the movie Anchorman?


My friend Brian (right, holding two mini-golf clubs in an "X" and flaring his nostrils) has developed a new form of writing. It started when he wrote the word "Provincetown" in an email to me. He added some other words within that word. It looked like this: Pro(rock) vince (Neil) (Mr.)T (rent to) own. So you've got Prorock, who's a friend of ours, Vince Neil, of Motley Crue fame, Mr. T, of A-Team and Rocky III fame, and that rental place, Rent To Own.

It was supposed to be a one-time thing, but, unless you're stupid, you know how cool this is, so now it's rampant.

There are so many ways you can go with this language. You can just do (W)ran(gler jeans)(Astro)dom(e) stuff, or you can try to connect letters with themes, like, if I wanted to say "Chan," using words that describe Chan, I could write Ch(inese) (m)an. But it's more fun the random way, I think.

Then you can have words within words, which, like in algebra, would require brackets. (party on, Gar)th(Kit K)at loo[ney (Ca)bin(Boy)](Carlton Ban)ks like this.

There are so many ways you can go with this language. You could add an entire novel to each letter of a ten-page e-mail. I think Brian (left, with microphone and Samhain T-shirt) is better at it than me. He seems to know just what to do with each word. He also wrote "Colbert" as Col(Porter)(Yogi)bert, which uses two incorrectly spelled names, but they would be pronounced correctly when said out loud. Another good one of his was "delay" as del (taco)(Rachel R)ay.

The language rules.

[Bonus edit: Here's a sample e-mail exchange where Brian & I use the language (with him using it much more and in cooler ways than I):

Dane Cook's hosting SNL tonight. Maybe Jessica could (surf)pu(nx)ll(oyd moseby) some stri(keout=K)(Ana)ngs and(y duncan) we could sit in the front row and hang out with Co(nan)o('brien)k(=strikeout) after. He's on (Dane)Co(ok)nan right now. Oh my, Chan flipped to the lat(t)e lat(t)e show, and was like, "Wait," as if he were waiting to see something coming up, so we watch and they're all "Up next, a performance from Lifehouse" and I started crack(house)(alarm k)ing up, and Chan was all "that's not what I was waiting for." key: "Ana Ng" is a They Might Be Giants song. I think u can figure out the rest. Yo, Update: Turns out what chan was waiting for was the author of Bridget Jones' Diary? I'm all "What?" and he's all "I just wanna see what she has to say" and I'm all "Is this a joke?" and he's all "No" and I'm all "TJ"

I just read the Bridget (Ed "Too Tall")Jones (hey Ironhead, whats with this)thing(y?) and got (turf)totally distracted and off(sides) track in math class. That's funny. I saw the blog about the langu(ished saus)age- swee(ny Mur)t(i)! Wheres that mini golf shot (Abe)from(an)? T(iki Barber)J(ake "The Snake" Roberts) by(week) me for(th and 26) not(wurst) remembering. Yeah, we're(d wild stuff) both psych(obilly)ed for (Ron)Dane(ish) Cook. Kaitlin (Anthony's girlfriend) said his new C(C DeVille)D(Dee Ramone) isn't that (George Thoro)good(n plenty) though, (I want c)and(y!) I'm pretty surprised he's hosting. He's not like (Troy)a(ikman) big (Bart)star(r) (qu)or(terback sack!) (Say)anything. I gotta go(es wide right!)...I'm ad(vertising)ding(dongs) and subtracting rational expressions. ? -Brian]

Luke Warm Stove

Tom Gordon to Philly. In that same article, read how the yanks may get Mike Myers tomorrow. I hope we don't have to see Myers in 'stripes.


Oprah was on Letterman tonight. She was talking about the work she's doing in South Africa, and about poor kids, saying how if everyone did what they were supposed to do, we could feed them all. But instead, she said, we just go around buying our lattes or whatever. I turned to Chan and said, "She's full of shit. Isn't she the richest person in America or something?" In other words, she could take all her money, beyond what she needs to eat and pay for a roof, and give it to starving children. Instead, she's on TV wearing an outfit that costs more money than most people have ever seen.

Then I thought, Well, at least she's doing something. While making fun of her, I had been writing an e-mail to a stranger in Kansas who collects George Brett baseball cards, asking him if he'd want me to go back to an antique store I was in a while ago, 200 miles away, mind you, to get for him an RC Cola can from 1974 with George Brett's face on it that I saw there, and if he'd pay me for it, or trade similar Rich Gedman memoribilia for it, if he has any.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


As Chan and I sit here watching a multiple-part, very special episode of Good Times, I am reminded of how nobody got that last quiz answer. I was looking for two of Jimmie "JJ Evans" Walker's catch-phrases, other than the one everyone knows, "Dyn-o-mite!" Here are some others: Answering the phone with "Chel-lo?" Calling for his mom with "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Taking a compliment with "I knoooooow." No points awarded.

There's a commercial for Long John Silver's or something that tells you to go in there and say "three free shrimp" three times fast. If you can do it, you get three free shrimp. I saw this and said, "That's terrible. What if you have a stutter?" Chan came right back with, "Then it shouldn't be a problem."


A picture I took is up at KeepManny.Com. Here's the direct link to the picture page. Look for my name.

Van B Boys

The Sox just got this dude, Jermaine Van Buren (shown here with the Iowa Cubs). I'm so psyched to have one of the Van B Boys on the team. I don't think he'll get to wear number 8, though. Remember to flash him the secret sign when you see him.

Also, I've got that movie of the crazy children up and working at Putfile now. I think it's easier to view there than at that other site I have it on.

Dreaming Of A Mint Gedman

Looks like there are more Rich Gedman baseball cards than I thought. I figured Topps, Donruss, and Fleer from '82 to '90, plus some random Gedmans (Gedmen?) from oddball sets, like Sportflics. I didn't, on the other hand, figure on sets like '82 Coke, '84 Nestle, '86 Quaker Granola. There's also a Ralston-Purina set. Now that I think of it, I do remember digging through bags of cat food when I was little. Then you've got the "Canadian versions" of cards, which I also totally forgot about, Topps' being O-Pee-Chee and Fleer's being Leaf. And that mysterious "Topps Tiffany" set. And all these came out every year, and all included a Gedman. So we may be talking about dozens if not hundreds of cards to collect.

But I'm not letting that stop me. GQ06 (That's GedmanQuest 2006, new people. "Jeek" for short.) will go on as scheduled. For a really awesome story of one woman's friendship with Rich Gedman, click here. It's quite amazing. All right, kind of amazing. Being a Geddy fan helps one appreciate it, though.

Seeing baseball cards again has reminded me that my favorite skill, after being able to spin just about any object on my finger indefinitely, is being able to tell from a baseball card what stadium the picture was taken in.

The Xmas season started tonight, with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer airing (in HD!) on CBS, and TNT showing A Christmas Story. Seeing Rudolph (not in HD!) reminded me of my sister's kids, since I was living at their house last December, and got to watch all the holiday specials with them. So I e-mailed my ten year-old niece, asking her if she tuned in for Rudolph. Now I don't know if you've gotten an e-mail from a ten year-old girl lately, or ever, but wow, that's quite a different experience. The letters are ten feet tall, and colorful. She's got a crazy pink background with little birdies. I felt like I wanted to print it out and slap it up on the fridge.

And, no, she didn't watch Rudolph. Hopefully she catches Frosty. I know I will.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

"Do You Mean German?"

Chan and I both got our confirmation emails for the Colbert Report audience tickets we requested. He got December 12th, I got January 9th. Listen for us those nights, clapping in the audience. I usually use the clap where you hit your palm with the fingers of your other hand. But sometimes I feel like that makes me stand out to much, as it's very high-pitched and loud. In those cases, I'll go with the cupping-palms style clap, which is lower and more anonymous. But on December 12th, I'll go all out, so you'll know it's me. The sound of the hands clapping right next to mine will be those of Chan.

Tonight, I made a life-changing decision: I will attempt to acquire every Rich Gedman baseball card ever made. Actually, that's a lie. I don't care about the cards where Rich is in an Astros or Cardinals uniform. I've already got all the Topps cards from when I was a kid. Now it's time to complete my collection with all the Fleer and Donruss cards I missed out on, along with Geddys from more obscure sets. I wonder if Rich ever had a Drake's Cakes card. If he did, I will get it.

There's also a lot of Gedman autographs out there. As well as, right now, on eBay, one of his bats, and one of his game-used jerseys. Unfortunately, it's from his Astros days, it doesn't say his name on the back, it costs a fortune, and the number on it is 2, not Gedman's classic 10. So eff that. But any cards that were made with him on it, where he's got a Sox jersey on, I will one day obtain.

GedmanQuest '06 has begun.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Fairly Recent Cooperstown Trip Pics

A huge statue at a hotel in Chicopee, MA. More about him here.

Awesome old-school logos under glass at the Hall of Fame. I love the whole "Win Twins"/"Twin Cities" theme. It was big in my day, aka the 80s. The twin on the right has an "STP" (St. Paul) logo on his shirt, and the one on the left has an "M" for Minneapolis. I actually just bought a pin with just the "TC" logo on it, along with an old Red Sox one with the backward sock logo. I'd like to know who came up with the idea of using "Twin Cities" in the Twins' logo. It would be like a team from Chicago having "WC" on their hats for "Windy City."

The ring.

I like how the reflection made this slightly-more-than-half circle look like a full circle. This is in a room next to the inductee gallery. Also note plane entrail for extra fartsiness.

The Kid.

Ted's head really sticks out, more than most others. He also looks like he's wearing a fisherperson's hat. Which would actually make sense for Ted.

Pudge. I don't think he looks like this, but that's just me.

Yaz. I didn't get a shot of it, but Jimmie Foxx's plaque calls him "Jimmy." Does anyone know why? I couldn't find anything about this on the internet.


No go on Billy Wagner, as the Mets landed him today. Last week, I heard that they were courting the country-raised Wagner by showing him the "New York area." The joke I immediately made in my head was: What are they gonna do, say to him, "Here's Greenwich, Connecticut. See, no homeless or minorities for miles around. You'll love it here it New York!"? A few hours later, I found out that they actually did show him Greenwich, sending him to Tom Glavine's house for dinner. Unbelievable. Hey, I guess it worked.

Chan had the Colts game on earlier. I like rooting against Peyton Manning. I've never liked that boob. Ever since the Tennessee-Nebraska game where he was supposed to be this great quarterback and we shut him down big time. This was, like, eight years ago. And it's just so fun to make fun of him. He talks in the same voice Andy Kaufman did when he imitated Jerry Lawlor: "Ahm from Maymphis, Taynasee, duhhh." Tonight, I saw him make an awesome play. There's nothing funnier than when a quarterback is scrambling to get the play off, audibling as quick as he can before the play clock expires, and then it's down to one second, so he just makes the "come here! come here! quick!" motion with his hands at the center, trying to get him to snap the ball, but the center just doesn't know to snap it, so the play clock runs out. It's even funnier when it happens to Manning, and with his own crowd making noise, screwing things up even more, to boot. I actually kind of hope they do go undefeated, and then lose to some shitty team in the playoffs or Super Bowl, with Payton failing at a key moment.

Anyway, one of you Patriots fans should make this comparison next time they play the Colts:

That's right, it's Tedy Bruschi as Piston Honda, ready to crush Peyton "Little Mac" Manning. (In the role of Doc, it's Miss Tennessee, apparently.) Press start!

Also, if you didn't see Dennis Leary's Christmas Special on Comedy Central, check it out, if only for Dennis lighting his cig with a "yankees suck" candle. And for Charlie Murphy. It's on Comedy Central. Probably a thousand times this month.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Wagner Power Painter

Sox to make offer to Billy Wagner?

Quiz Zeta-Jones

Name two of JJ Evans' catch phrases from Good Times. (Besides "...Dyn-o-mite!")

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