Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Dear F'n Diary

This lady with a wicked Irish accent works in the cube next to me. When she says "how," it sounds like "hay." "Hay'r ya daing?" But she's totally Americanized, so she always says America's new favorite phrase "no worries." Therefore, whenever I tell myself in my head that there's "no problem," I hear, "noo ware-iz."

My point being that only two teams in all of baseball have fewer losses than the Boston Red Sox. We could be Royals fans, people. They're 14-42. We'll be fine. Also, remember that with te stupid playoff system, we're in already. The Tigers will drop off, leaving only the Shylock Sox in the central. One west team will get in, because only one is over .500. Then it's us and the yanks. The Jays have a chance, or am I just saying that to make it sound like I know baseball? All we have to do is come in second, basically, and we get the same chance (except for a slight home-field advantage) to win as the other seven teams. It's ridiculous, and takes away what used to be the best part about baseball--the division race--but it's the way it is. (Note: I've been saying this '95. Never liked the wild card. And don't get me started on interleague play.) Although believe me, I'm rooting my ass off for the yanks to drop out and the Jays to take their place. I still firmly believe the yanks won't make the playoffs this season.

About this "no worries" attitude: It doesn't mean I won't get really pissed and destroy villages over individual losses to the yanks. That's what I like about having a "diary." I can rant and rave about the evil yanks when that's how I feel, before the "calming down" period. I wouldn't have it any other way. If you were to read a teenage girl's diary, would you want it to say "Today I was pissed earlier about something father did, but I've thought it over and cooled down considerably."? Or do you want "OMG I H8 my dad Soooo much! He's sooo controlling and I'm just not allowed to be ME. Worst. dad. Ever. And he takes too long in the bathroom!"?

I'll answer that. You want the second way. That's the point of a diary, to blow off steam when no one else is around, and say what's in your head at that moment. (Chan has pretty much banned me from yelling at HIM for crimes of humanity perpetrated by Michael Kay, Derek Jeter, Steinbrenner, etc.) At least you people listen to me. And I thank you for that.

Another thing. If you're gonna say to me crap like "Why don't you stop hating and just be a baseball fan?", you might as well say "Why don't you stop hating Nazis and just be a human race fan?"


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Location: Rhode Island, United States