Saturday, April 22, 2006

Jeff/Greene: A Bowlful Of Lookalike

Why didn't someone tell me Jeff Spicoli was on the Padres now? I saw him tonight playing against the Mets, wearing his camo jersey (?) with the backwards (?) American flag on the sleeve.

Note: I realized that there was no way I could've beeen the first to notice this. I googled "Spicoli Khalil Greene," and came up with this, from a blog called Petco Padres:

"Well, I knew things have gone bigtime because a fan with a custom Padres home jersey made the jumbotron Monday night with a Greene uni and 'Spicoli' embroidered on the back."

And I'm sure whatever wacky SportsCenter guys that around now are saying "Aloha, Mr. Hand" whenever he hits a bingy-bongy mcgee, or whatever they hilariously call home runs now. But even if everyone in the world knew about this already, I'd still post their pictures side by side because it amuses me so very much.

Puking Blood Out My Eyes

With the bases loaded, two outs, and the yanks up 4-1, Johnny Damon just a hit a little bloop liner to shortstop that Miguel Tejada butchered. A run scored as everyone was safe. You'd have thought the yankees had just averted armageddon by foiling an alien attack. Bells and whistles, Damon "saluting" the crowd, and Ken Singleton claiming Tejada did "all he could," and talking about Damon's "ability to slap it the other way." All people who root for that team must take a cyanide tablet and slowly drift into the next dimension. Only then will earth truly be saved.

(As I wrote that, a new Oriole pitcher walked Jeter with the bases loaded, was then booed for having to tie his shoe, and then the crowd gave a massive "Ohhhhh!" as Sheffield hit a fly ball to left that was so shallow the shortstop could have caught it. Or should I say, dropped it, as the shortstop is Tejada.)

Jon Simon Ritchie Papelbon

Having been "mohawk guy" for many years, I'm always happy when a Red Sox player gets a mohawk for whatever reason.

Also, I'm sure it pisses off Steinbrenner.

Friday Night

Classic flip-back-and-forth last night. Mr. Dunbar was in the bottom of the ninth, tying and winning runs on second and third, two outs. Red Sox were in the bottom of the eleventh, winning run at third. At the exact same time. Both went the right way, as Matsui struck out to end the game, and Foulke pitched out of the jam, easing my mild heart attack.

Of course, our game went on, and thanks to the masterful work of Rudy Seanez, we're now only a half game in first, but still way up on Dunbar.

I don't like this macho pitching thing. Remy was talking about how co-aces like to outdo each other. I say, if you're done, get the hell out of the game so your teammates can get you the win. Tito needed to be more prepared when sending Beckett out for the ninth. And if he hit that guy in retaliation of a guy getting hit by a curve ball, well, it cost us the game, enough said.

Gee, non-macho pitchers who aren't Rudy Seanez, and could eat up innings in an extra-innings game? I can think of one. Clue: Les Nessman.

That Lowell rollover throw play was incredible.

I was very glad about that Dunbar game, though. It was the first game, I believe, they played on "My 9," their non-cable channel, so LOTS of people got to see them an say, "The Brosius yanks would've pulled that one out." It really was the classic "man-ystique destiny, yanks come back to win because the other team is afraid of the loud noise of the Stadium" game. But they fell just short. It was very sweet. Damon, who's 7 for his last 31, made the first out of the ninth, and A-Rod, who is just dying to come through in the clutch for once in his life, made another.

Terrible job by John Flaherty. Wasn't he on the Red Sox a month ago? Just now I watched him co-host the yankee pre-game. F that guy. F him to H.

No On 21

Okay, to answer BSM's question, here's what you missed:

While Red Sox fans were crying themselves to sleep after the Aaron Boone game, Roger was licking the face of Babe Ruth.

I always thought the difference between us and the yankees was they they'd do anything to win, while we'd do anything--short of signing a deal with the devil--to do the same. (The personifaction of evil devil, not the cool metal one.)

If Hitler was suddenly the best baseball player in the world, I'd say Let George have him. I'll live and die with Lou Merloni.

My mom does have a point when she says it would piss of George if we got Roger. However, in this case, that's just not sweetening the deal. I'd much rather have the yanks waste more money on him, and then watch him NOT win the World Series. I'd like to see what kind of reaction the yankee fans have when he tells them, again, that "this is my final game."

Friday, April 21, 2006

Now With Commentary

I'm going back and doing director commentaries for my movies. The first one will be the Millar/Mirabelli movie. Watch the original, Millar Grabs/Inspects Mirabelli's Butt, here. Then watch the all-new version, complete with director commentary, here.

Fatty McGee To Go Bye-Bye? (Crosses Fingers)

The end of a big, fat era?

If Wells does quit, well, that's what we get for keeping the old, unhealthy guy who didn't want to play here over the young, healthy guy who did. (Can you tell I still think I'm definitely right on this one?)

And it would also mean I wouldn't have to see that yankee any more!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

"What Did You Do, Ray?"

I know a lot of you were thinking: "We really destroyed the Rays last night--I hope that doesn't mean we suddenly can't score at all tonight and experience a sluggish loss. But I won't say anything for fear of jinxing it."

Look, people, you can't even think it. Whatever we think of will appear and destroy us. So clear your heads.

I also think that Schilling only provided motivation for "Oh let the sun beat down upon my face" to do well by running his mouth about how the dude doesn't know how to pitch and whatnot. If I were that dude, in the press conference, I'd say "Some guys don't realize that when they make fun of another player, it provides material for the clubhouse wall. Schill will learn that in due time."

TJ, Schill. Please try to use only the non-mouth parts of your body.

TJ By Some Lady

I forgot to tell this story from Patriots Day. For the bottom of the ninth inning, we went from section 23 to the standing-room area behind section 25. As you know, I had to leave for Shea, and I didn't want to get stuck in the crowd leaving Fenway. On any other day, I would've stayed in my seat, even moved closer if possible. But on this day, I had to be ready to move, so Witchy and I stood close to the exit ramp for the final frame.

The area I described provides a nice view of the field--unless the entire crowd is standing. The people in front of you can gain some height by standing, while your only hope is "tippy toes." Unfortunately, the crowd was standing for most of the inning. I feel bad for Witchy, since I caused us to have a worse view than what we'd had up until then.

Right in front of me was a woman who was anxious to leave. With two outs, she leaned toward the exit, but her equally uninterested husband-type kind of reminded her that there were only two outs. I was hoping she'd leave so I could grab her spot for Witchy, put her in it, and then stand behind her and watch over her head. But the woman stayed. On the Youkilis ball, as I'm stretching to see over her head, praying to all that is holy that he beats it out, the woman literally turns around to leave. In mid-play. Youk barely makes it, and I yell "safe," really loud, a moment before the crowd erupts. She turns back around and settles back into her spot. I had my chance, but I let the stupid lady go back in front of me, as she hadn't even gotten past me when she started to walk away. One more step, and I would've snatched her underappreciated view.

Before I knew it, I saw the ball hit Loretta's bat, and I knew it was gone, even though the ball was well above overhang-level. Then we were jumping around. It was an awesome ending. And yes, the dumb lady and her hubby left before we did, and they probably didn't even have to get to New York by 7.

Terrible job by that lady.

Tonight it's Wake against "Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace, whose sounds caress my ear/But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear".

Good Night, I-Rene*, Russo

It's too bad my mom was in the crowd last night, since she would've thought the Rene Russo stuff was funny. Russo was once considered to play a role in the movie version of one of my mom's books, which never materialized. Nights like that in the booth make me feel bad for the New Englanders of Fairfield County, who don't get to see the most fun team with the most fun announcers. Maybe someone needs to ship RemDawg Unleashed to someone, so they can see what they're missing, and maybe something can finally be done about that travesty.

I like how people say "Youk" even if it's only a pop-up that he's about to make the routine catch on. Then again, there aren't really any other players you can do that for. I'm sure a lot of people say "Loretta" when he's about to catch a pop-up, but it's not going to be decipherable unless everyone says it at the exact same moment. It's a lot easier with "Youk."

Great job by Stern in his last game for a while.

We're gold at 11-4. We have to keep taking advantage of the Rays, since everyone else will have that same chance, too.

Did you hear what the 84-year old woman who won the 10 million dollar jackpot in AC said? "Somehow, I'll spend it. I'll spend it at the casino, and I might go to Vegas." Wow. That's a committed gambler.

*Can be pronounced "eye-REEN," for the "Good Night, Irene" pun, or "eye-ra-NAY," to fit with the Russo, or like "irony," since there's some irony in all this, what with it being a bad game, but a good night for the Sox, or in the way Russo talked of how announcers keep you entertained even if the game "sucks," and then she herself ended up in the booth during a blowout, leading to more non-baseball talk (about her) to keep us entertained after she left while the game was dragging on. Or the thing about how my mom sees every game, but missed one which had stuff she would've enjoyed--because she was at the game. One of those things must be ironic.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Patriots Day Pics Continued

Click to enlarge. And click here for the shorter part one of my Pats' Day dual-city fest.
The twins are back in full force for 2006. And as usual, whichever entrance I choose, there they are.

It's rare to see the AM version of the classic Back to the Future time on the Fenway scoreboard.

The Fenway cd collection. Please note that not only is the Pixies' song Where Is My Mind? played (as Lenny DiNardo's song) now, but also has a cheesy organ version as well. This is the biggest breakthrough since John Olerud brought Nirvana to Fenway.

Ichiro from the sweet section 23 seats that Witchy got from Ilele.

Here's the Ortiz trilogy: Contact, rounding, J-Chri.

I noticed there's a new ceiling above the home plate area of the grandstand. Probably to cover up all the new support beams. Very disco dance floor-like or Billie Jean video-ish.

Here's a close-up of the ceiling. With some weird bar things in the way.

As I've already mentioned, getting a good shot of the final celebration was tough, and I was late on it, what with all the initial jumping up and down. Here's about the best shot I got.

Then I hit the Mass Pike. And then 84 and 91. And then 95, which was on fire:

Now I'm back to underneath-style captioning. Here's Shea from the car.

I went out to right field briefly for a closer shot of Pedro.

Here's Pedro on the hill.

Here's Manhattan looking out the side of Shea.

Here's Pedro at the plate. So weird. It kind of looked like he was calling his shot before each pitch.

They got him out.

This was taken from the back of the mezzanine. Our view was bad enough, but imagine having to sit through an entire game with this view. Widescreen-style. Our real seats were about ten rows in front of these. The only reason those heads aren't covering the batter is because they're about five rows in front of us. I'm never sitting in the mezzanine again.

I told Chan to videotape the city as we drove in over the Queensboro bridge (24 hours before a bunch of people got stuck up there in the little tram thing). He got some of the usual shots, but none as good as this one from just after we got across the bridge.


Dunbar wins. Terrible day for Mussina to be on. At least that means we can widen the gap on "'Mrs. Toronto?' 'Tarantino.'" with a win by Schilling tonight.

Gedman-Game Plan

Since Gedman wore 10, why the hell haven't I been referring to my 10-Game Plan as the Gedman-Game Plan? Or "The Geddy"? As in, "Chan, I'm going up to Boston this weekend." "Geddy seats?" "Yeah."

Tonight is the third game in this year's Geddy. (They load you up in April and September.) I won't be there, though. This is the one I gave to my parents. So far, in year three of the Geddy, Plan Y, game 1 I went to with Witchy, game 2 I went to with Empy, but we never made it out there, as Andrew's 12-Eight seast happened to have two seats adjacent to his available, and now game 3 will go to mom and dad. So, no games have been attended by the classic me & Pat combo. Game 4 will be our first of two Dunbar games that are always included in the Geddy, May 22nd. It's a weekday, so we'll see what happens. But I'm pretty sure I'll be taking that day off.

Did you know the Red Sox have won 18 straight one-run games at Fenway? Doesn't seem possible.

Fenway 4/15/06 Pics

Here's the full set from Saturday's game. The big ones are video stills, and start to get distorted when enlarged, so click 'em at your own risk. The smaller ones are from the digital camera, and look sweet when enlarged.

Joe Castiglione on the field.

"I'm just taking it one game at a time. I'll do what the team needs...hey, is that even a real microphone?"

No, Julian, you can't keep a bat by the side of the mound.



Castiglioned!Joe Castiglione gracefully ascends the grandstand stairs.

Just showing off the zoom on this one.

Did you know Fenway has Astroturf now? Can anyone guess what the deal is with this one?


The man of the indefinitely long hour.

Stern again.

Stern again.

Wily Mo and Adam Stern.

Stern running in the outfield. But also a guy holding a huge bag.

Painting home plate.


Ichiro-style again.

The view from 12Eight.

Ichiro checking his swing.

My first time witnessing an 84 playing in a game for the Red Sox.

On the same day, my first time witnessing a 77 playing in a game for the Red Sox.

Later, Empy and I had time to kill, so we did some minor player stalking. As it turns out we were standing next to a woman I'd met twice in my life two years ago, who shares the same last name as Jim Rice. She remembered me. It was kind of funny, us both being in that spot, waiting to take candid shots of Sox players.

Lenny and mystery woman head to their cab. With a third, also unpictured woman.

Tek. I got some sweet shots of him with his little baby. But I feel really weird about putting them on the internet. I guess your only hope of seeing them is Reb talking them out of me.

Check out the medallion.

Make your own joke about Trup'. (Hint: Weird Al's Fat video.)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Sweet catch by Red Sox superstar Adam Stern, eh?! And had they not made him bunt earlier, he would've had the game-winning home run. Oh well, I'll take it anyway. I love this team! Take away the achilles heel move of replacing our perfect-fit fourth starter for a platoon right-fielder and this would be the world's perfect team! That aside, we're still totally gold and we'll do it with what we've got. Great job by the O when it counted. Big lead over Dunbar now, and growing.

Some great stuff in Dunbar land tonight as well: First of all, do you know how long I've been waiting for Sheffield to drop a routine fly ball using his Oh my shoulder hurts so much I can't even lift it one inch (unless someone puts the steroids on the top shelf) method? A long time. Tonight it happened, and Torre seemed quite pissed about it. Randy got rocked, which is key. If they're going anywhere, they need to win with him on the hill. Damon was 0-5, too, and I got to see him smash his stupid face into the wall.

Mass 'Cots

Saturday was Kids' Opening Day at Fenway. It was on one of these such days that I saw Derek Lowe's no-hitter. But usually it's just a day where a lot of cheesy stuff happens. This year, a bunch of mascots crashed the party. I had no idea that the Bruins had a mascot. I has no idea tha Patriots had one, either. To complete the triple crown, I had no idea the Celtics would even think of having a mascot. Let alone a non-furry one called Lucky. I also didn't realize there was an actual Hood milk cow, called Coco. I had heard of the former Red Sox mascots, Lefty and Righty. Here's all of the day's oversized action:

Empy gets a high five from Wally.

Blades the Bear. I mean Bruin. Do they give it a meaner face for actual hockey games? Or maybe it just doesn't look very mean when striking this very unbearlike pose.

Pat Patriot is about to do a Lambeau-type leap, nearly slamming his big mascot-y butt into my face.

Wally got up on the wall in front of me.

Wally and Coco the Hood Cow.

Wally is actually in mid-air here, jumping down from the wall.

Lefty and Righty.

Lefty and Righty again.

Adam Stern among furry things. I love the way Righty is "looking" at Adam.

A mass of mascoty, along with the humanoid Lucky the Leprechaun.

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