Saturday, November 07, 2009

Finally, Pics From That Last Crappy Game Of '09

Took my mom to Fenway, and we hoped to see the start of a comeback from a 2-0 ALDS deficit.

As per tradition, I took a pic of the logo on the field behind the plate.

In the seats behind home plate--this thing. I wondered if it was the unit that runs the scoreboard or something. (I also thought about casually walking off with it since these guys left it unattended.)

View from behind the plate. (Note the "hey, Billy peed his pants, too!" security guy!)

Went out to Yawkey Way for a while after BP, and saw Rice, Remy, and TC.

I spotted Dave Henderson right away, and before I knew it, my mom was running over, calling his name, and taking his picture. (Hendu's head is above the gray shirt guy, next to his blond wife/partner, and my mom is the one excitedly taking his picture.)

Blimp over the Monster.

One of the many reasons why all those ads around the park are so sickening: the fact that there's hardly any fence-space for those bunting things.

Nua! (with long braid)

Pesky during intros.

After Hendu threw out the first pitch, he recreated his famous jump from the '86 ALCS. But I missed it.

Last shot of the Kap'n with his headphones in 2009.

Before the first pitch.

Check out the shadow of the light tower on the bleachers. This was a noon game. Besides the annual Patriots' Day game, there's never a game this early at Fenway Park.

Last broken bat shot of the year...I should do a collage. No I shouldn't.

Clay Buchholz. If only he had stepped off when Hunter bolted for third. And if only Hunter had cared half as much during the goddamn Yankees series. So that was our view. Not bad. We were actually right behind the section 23 pole, but we found seats right in front of the pole, and when those people showed up, they left one seat, which my mom stayed in. When I went back to my pole spot, I found that some people in my row still hadn't shown, so the people next to me moved down, allowing me to actually see. Finally I realized that despite the packed house, there were literally six empty seats around my seat, so my mom came back so we could sit together, and we both could see the field. A really sweet deal for 55 bucks face value.

PapelBO entered the game, and it looked like we had the W.

This was the first time we stood for the final strike. Aybar lines a single. I was shooting during the second time we stood for it, and again we didn't get it. The third time, I just left the camera down, and Pap gave up yet another hit, and we were done.

The last hope was when the flagpole door mysteriously came open in the bottom of the ninth. Hunter had to go close it. All that time, it stays shut, and then it just opens. I took it as a sign but it turns out it was just a loose latch, I guess. We went down one two three...

...and the 2009 season was over, just like that, and it wasn't even 4:00. I held the camera up, took a quick shot of the Angels celebration, and we headed up the stairs and out of Fenway for the last time of '09. Next time I go there, they'll be a hockey rink on the field.

Friday, November 06, 2009

The Wrong Guy

"Before long, the walking dead appeared at the funeral."

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Somewhere, Mike Mussina Weeps

The Yanks join six other teams in second place this millennium with one World Series win. Hey, at least they're on the board!

In the "old days," it was really tough to watch the Yanks win it all. The '96 one I just couldn't deal with, as the last time they'd won, I was 3 years old. In '98 I remember Pat and I blowing into the top of 2-liter Coke bottles, dubbing the noise the "Padres train"...which quickly derailed. In '99, I'd just been fired from a job, and sat there thinking, mistakenly, that the Braves would roll. And in 2000, I was so sure the Mets the Mets, that I barely watched. And being in southwest Connecticut the whole time, it wasn't fun. At all. It wasn't that they won, it was that they won another one since we'd won, 80 years earlier.

2004 changed our lives forever. Despite Michael Kay's backwards theory that "it would be the worst thing" for us, we had a huge weight lifted, and any kind of loss now just isn't as horrible as before. And "loss" includes Yankee wins. Look at this--we just watched the Yanks win the World Series and we can say we've done it more than they have in the last nine years! Think about how amazing that is (provided you're old enough to have remembered the pre-'04 days). So, thanks again to the 2004 Red Sox. And to the 2007 team for clinching our undisputed Team of the Fucking Decade title.

Because of them, we never have to read stuff like THIS again. (Seriously, nauseated Sox fans, read that article--it will make you feel good, when you consider what happened just a year after it was published.)

Okay, baseball season's over, and Kwiz season will soon begin, along with whatever other wacky stuff I come up with for the offseason. Stay tuned.

Congratulations, Yankees!

(Just kidding, assholes!)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Early Jeter-Clap Update

Matsui hits an early home run. Before he's finished rounding the bases, we see a close-up of Jeter in the dugout clapping.

Then, for those who missed it, we see a slow-motion replay of Jeter clapping in the dugout.

Okay, here's a question. If Jeter gets killed, who are they gonna show reaction shots of at his funeral? (Oh, it'll be on every channel.)

Sixth Game Start

Did I ever tell you the "second gear start" story? I got a car back in 2000, one that's currently driving its swan drive. In its early days, a light on the dash came on: "second gear start." I knew what it was referring to--the car was sluggish when I'd first step on the gas, until it finally reached "second gear" (or whatever you call it when an automatic vehicle gears up that first time when you hit like 20 MPH or whatever--can you tell I know nothing about cars?), at which point everything went back to normal. So on the highway, everything was fine. But around the suburban streets of Danbury, no go.

I asked everybody. Nobody had heard this "second gear start" term, and no one knew how to make my car cease being stuck in this mode. I even "checked the Internet," as Google was not yet America's default. Nothing. So I finally had to bring the thing back to the dealership, even though I felt like if I could just un-"second gear start" the thing, it would go back to normal.

I explained the problem, and 400 bucks later, the car is back, the light's off, and it running fine. However, the automatic seat-adjusting buttons are no longer working. As usual when your car gets fixed, you get it back with the driver's seat pushed WAY back, and I couldn't move the thing forward! They had left it outside for me after they were closed, so I had no choice but to drive it home with my legs at full extension, barely able to reach the pedals, and then bring it back again.

When I told them that the seat had been fine until THEY broke it, they didn't care. They charged me 200 more dollars to fix what they had broken. I remember telling the nicely dressed people who worked in the offices what the grease-covered guys were doing to me, and while they were on my side, they acted like the mechanics were "those we do not speak of."

So I spent 600 dollars but I had my car back the way it was, finally.

A few weeks later, I'm getting in my car, and my left knee hits the area of the dashboard that's...well, in front of where your left knee is while you're driving. And what do I see, but the "second gear start" light. Here we go again... But wait. How did my knee cause the light to go on. I look down into that dark corner of the car where you never look, and what do I see, but a little, horizontal light switch, now flipped to the right, just below the words "second gear start." For some reason, you can choose to put your car in this mode. If you know where the switch is. Or, you can bump it accidentally, have your car be all messed up, and have to take it in for "repairs," which in reality is someone flipping the switch back to the left. Can you imagine the mechanics at that moment?

"Oh! Everybody come here! I want you guys to see how we make the easiest 400 bucks of our life! This guy wants us to take his car out of 'second gear start' mode. Watch this!


Done and done."

"But, uhhhh, boss, can we really charge for something like that?"

"Shut up! Give him the car back, and don't say a word about that switch!"

"You mean we're not even gonna tell him how he can avoid this in the future?"

"No! And we're gonna charge FIVE hundred next time he accidentally bumps that switch! And remember to break something else while you're 'fixing' it so he has to come back regardless!"

Now, you, the reader, can come up with your own way to connect this story to the Phillies and their quest to win the final two games of the World Series.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

No Cera, Cera...Whoever Will Mutiny, Will Be Beat Down By His Brother

I reallly wanted to write a Letter to the Editor of that traitorous article by Joe Nocera...I was beaten to it by his own brother!

Thanks to Riggs for the heads-up.

Among the many reasons that article bothered me was the fact that I lived for so long in the NY-area and then in NYC, and not once did I think, Oh, I'm here, might as well root for the team I hate! And that guy moves to New York after like 50 years and switches like it's nothing.

Monday, November 02, 2009

We Take Game 5

We go "back to New York!"

I love that the Yanks almost came back but didn't. Two more, Phillies! Any way you can get 'em.

"27? Not Yet!" --MLB

This is so funny. The id # in the url for a Yanks AL Champs hat ends with 26. I did my usual thing where I change the url to the next number up--27--to see if I can see the gear for titles that haven't been clinched yet, and it took me to a page with "notyet" in the url!

(True as of this writing, 6:16 PM.)

It Can Happen

I remember this one time when the Yanks were up three to zero in a seven-game series, and they lost that time, so they can definitely blow a three-one lead. By going back to their number one starter they got an extra win, but now they have the lower-numbered starter up to Game 7.

So as long as the Phils aren't sitting their with their chin in their hands assuming it's over, they can win the 1 vs. 2 matchup in Game 5, and the 2 vs. 3 matchup in Game 6, and then in Game 7, it's all paws on patio.

Also, I'd like to say "chin up" to Yankee fans, as their team's drought against the Red Sox in the postseason has continued another season. You'll get over the hump one of these years, and this "curse" will be removed from your heads, don't worry!

Yanks Again Do Nothing, Again Win

I don't want to be out of line here, telling Philly fans what to do, but I'll give them a hint: IT'S THE FUCKING OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT. ie. "sittin' there, chin in hands." It's the World Series.

Now for the actual team: Inexcusable. You don't leave a base unattended. If you do, pick a time other than "ninth inning of tie game in the (shouting now) WORLD SERIES."

There's nothing you can do about Jeter's 500-hop hits or the bloops that fall in, but my god, keep your heads in the effing game!

On the Yanks' last two hits in the ninth, Jeter had nothing to do with either one, but was shown four times cheering. I still just don't get it. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe he really is god. It makes perfect sense. Someone does something, then we see the reaction of he who divined it to be possible. Okay, in that case, I get it. What else could it be? Is somebody paying for it? Is it like facial product placement? One shot of him clapping in slow motion for something he had nothing to do with would be weird and mysterious. Four times within two minutes? There HAS to be something I'm missing.

Time to win three in a row, Phillies.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Dear JOE NOCERA: Fuck You You Fucking Fuck

Seriously, what the fuck?

Some fucking piece of shit called Joe Nocera has written a stinking pile of dog-load about how he grew up a Red Sox fan his whole life (he's an old-ass motherfucker), but starting this year he "warmed up to the Yankees" and is now rooting for them for the following un-fucking-believably stupid reasons:

1. Likes the way A-Rod has dealt with his steroid scandal. (You mean the one he caused by taking fucking steroids, you jackass?)

2. George Steinbrenner has become much easier to admire later in life. (Psst...go fuck yourself.)

3. Loves those four Yankee assholes that have been on the team for a while, calls them the "Four Horseman" (capitalized), and tells me that I, the reader, and I fucking quote, "(would) have to have a heart of stone not to want to see them win it all one more time before they retire."

You dick. You'd have to have a heart of stone to WANT to see guys with four rings already on the richest, most evil team in history win AGAIN. Is this article some kind of sick practical joke? Did this fucker lose the shittiest bet in history?

He wraps it up by claiming--and unless I still haven't woke up and this is all a horrible nightmare, I swear this is a real article, you can click the link--that the Yankees ARE THE UNDERDOGS. Let's look at JOE NOCERA's definition of an "underdog": "Team with most championships, most money, with home field advantage, and who are favored to win."

That's a fucking overdog, asshole. And that's what you are. An overdog. Definition: Dog who's so goddamn old that when he shits, it comes out his mouth, so you have to turn him over and put him out of his misery. (All apologies to actual overdogs who are smarter than this old, old fuck.) The worst part: the guy's from MY current town of Providence.

Note to all humans: This man does not represent us. He obviously has suffered some kind of head injury. Ignore his words. And Red Sox fans, including this guy's friends, when this guy realizes what he's done and comes begging for forgiveness like that dumbass woman who "divorced" the Yankees because she just couldn't deal with them doing slightly better than great for like a month, lock your doors. Do not let him in. He's already gone.

A Thought Occurred To Me

I'm probably the only person in the universe reading about "Schrödinger's cat thought experiment" while watching Judas Priest's "You Got Another Thing Comin'" video. At least at this moment.

(And the fact that it's happening during an hour which has already happened* makes it even weirder.)

I need to go to bed.

*I just set the clocks back to go back to eastern standard time....

Yankees Sleep With Whores

Recap: Cole Hamels has three-run lead, strikes Teixeira out, then gives up ball off wall to A-Rod. But since the Yankees have been paying off the umpires for the entire playoffs, they call it a walk and a home run. I love how they go and change the call without conclusive evidence and that's apparently allowed! And freakin' Fox, after all this talk for the last year about relays and getting home run calls right, goes and hovers a camera over the fence in fair territory! I feel like Joe Buck wanted to apologize but figured he'd better wait for the okay from the brass. Anyway, soon Yankees were blooping their little shitty bloops, and that was it.

Hopefully Philly fans (at least the ones who didn't sell their tickets to scalpers and leave their stadium crawling with Yankee fans) are realizing that when you play this filthy team, you not only have to beat the astronomical payroll that's nowhere near any other team's, but you also have to beat the umps.

But it can be done. It's only 2-1 here.

I noticed the following on Zack Hample's blog. He was at the New Loo trying to get someone to give him a ticket the other night, and...

The second guy was a Yankee employee -- one of those guys who stand outside with those signs that say "How May I Help You?" -- who said he had a friend who was selling bleacher tickets for $550. [...] When I told him that was way beyond my price range, he said, "I know a guy who can walk you in for two-fifty. Then you're on your own. Standing room only."

So not only do Yankee Stadium employees fraternize with the local sweatpants brigade, but some of them will take bribes and let you in to a World Series game. MLB people, you're always going around to every corner of the Internet, removing two-second clips of games from 1985 that no one's making money off of and that you'll never use anyway. What say you go check out the real criminals? (I know you're partnered with StubHub while still telling us right on your tickets that reselling them is illegal, but I think even you would admit "walking someone in for 250" isn't right....)

Oh, so I saw Steven Wright tonight. He was opening for Jimmy Fallon down at URI, and we've always wanted to see him. So we left a bowl of candy outside our door and headed down there, knowing we'd miss the beginning of the game. Wright was great--just non-stop one-liners as you'd expect. And Fallon was funny, too. There was also a "bonus comic," Wayne Federman. I thought he was really good, too. And now that I look him up, I see he not only wrote a biography of Pistol Pete Maravich, but was an extra in Black Sunday! Anyway, we left the show, got in the car, and had such a great moment (later shot to hell) when we heard Sterling say Pettitte had given up three. And we were shocked that it was only the second inning at 10:00, so we didn't miss much.

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